Archived World Race Blogs

What can I say about myself? 

I’m am blessed and highly favored and looking forward to my next adventure with God. When I see my future and my dream for my life it is walking hand in hand with Jesus, encountering people and encouraging them in whatever way the Father directs. Sometimes that means interceding silently on their behalf. Other times it means asking them if I can give them a hug. And at times He takes it further and lets a message of encouragement and love flow through my mouth to their ears. 

Life lived to the fullest is a life lived in full connection with God. 

I have my Father’s DNA. Creativity and love is the well-spring of my life. Don’t get me wrong I am by no means perfect. But I have a Father, Brother, and Friend Who are and Who love perfectly. Their perfect love casts out all fear (my love is still working on it). 

If I could pray any mythological being into existence it would be a Griffin. They are simply the coolest blend between a Lion and an Eagle and their healing claws would definitely come in handy. (Plus if I had one as a companion traveling would be so much easier). 

Some practical things about me include my two degrees from Florida State University (GO NOLES); a Bachelors in English – editing, writing and media, and a Masters in International Affairs. I have been to 15 different countries before the race and so am quite familiar with the mountain highs and valley lows of backpacking. 

I’m looking forward to walking through this new season with God and seeing the God of Miracles at work! 

“Some days I am a Princess; some days I am a Warrior (choose wisely)” – my favorite coffee mug

Our life is full of choices!! On average an adult makes 35,000 conscious decisions a day. And my latest choice is radically life-changing. I have chosen to follow the dreams of my heart and walk with God to encounter His people. I have taken another step in my journey of becoming a powerful person with God.

I was strongly encouraged the other night by a live teaching I attended via the internet (isn’t that cool? That we can reach each other in different parts of the world in seconds so it feels like we are a touch away? I love it!). It was all about becoming a powerful person in a demanding world. I realized that a powerful life is what God is calling me to.

Powerful people are powerful because they have discovered the unique calling and heart that they have and are living fully from it. It is only by becoming fully alive in who God created you to be that you can influence the world. And the only way you can become fully alive is by making the choices every day that bring you closer in relationship with Him.

What choice have you made? Have you chosen to be the best YOU you can be today? Because that is all that He is asking of us.

I still have 6 months of choosing to be the best me in Tallahassee before I launch into this new season. I know that my choices during this time of transition are going to be key. I will be spending 11 months visiting 11 countries across the globe to share the love of God. There will be times when it is easy and I will be overflowing with the grace, mercy and comfort of the Holy Spirit. And there will be times when it is all I can do to cry out to Him. There will be times when the people will be receptive and joyful and there will be times when my heart is broken. I can already see how God has prepared and is preparing my heart for the journey.

So this is my choice. God brought me to a crossroad and I chose to step out and follow Him to the ends of the earth. Backpacking through 11 countries in 11 months! I am rejoicing! I am excited! And yes, I realize that this journey is going to have its struggles and dark moments but through it all God will be with me and I will grow. I will grow in Him and in the Power of the Holy Spirit!

How it happened.

I sometimes wish my story with Jesus was more radical, but I was blessed with His gentleness.

I grew up going to church and I honestly can’t remember a time when Jesus wasn’t the savior of my heart. I am blessed beyond measure for that but I haven’t always felt that way.

Every hardship I endured Jesus was always there, keeping me from committing suicide, keeping me from falling in love with the wrong person, keeping me from diving too far away from Him. As close as I was to God’s grace, I still fell for Performance.

If I wasn’t serving the church, I wasn’t serving God and if I wasn’t serving God, He was mad at me. I would cut our relationship off and put myself in a “time-out” when I felt I wasn’t doing enough for Him or when I messed up and made a mistake. After all, sinning is bad enough but if you consciously choose sin, well, that’s unforgivable. Or so I thought.

I settled for the safe route. I settled for helping others achieve their goals. I was dreaming with God, slicing those dreams in half and then settling for half of that. I didn’t deserve the fullness of the reality of dreaming with God.

BUT!! It’s not about deserving. It’s not about performance. God’s love is UNCONDITIONAL simply based on the fact that He loves you and wants you to have it.

When I came across the World Race in January of 2018 (my year of new beginnings), I have no words for it other than ‘my soul jumped.’ Everything in me KNEW this was God. But still, I hesitated. I prayed. I sought the counsel of my parents, my pastor, my mentors, my boss, and the friends that know me so well.

I have received nothing but encouragement, excitement, open doors, and confirmations from the Lord. And I have no words other than I’m overwhelmed with excitement and joy for this new season. 

Idea: Taking ownership of my choices to take back the power of my life so I can be a better steward of all God has given me.

I am overweight. I am not as active as I should be. I am addicted to Netflix (and not in the internet-glamorized cool way, but in the unhealthy, watch it instead of talk to people, deal with pain, or spend time with Jesus – addicted). I have made a choice to play the victim and distance myself from the responsibility of my actions that have led me to this moment in time. And it stops here.

I am taking ownership of those choices. All the times I chose triple-chocolate ice cream instead of forgiving someone. All the times I chose Grey’s Anatomy over going for a walk. All the times I chose to let my excuses me bigger than my faith in God’s promise.

I am responsible for my yard: my attitude, my feelings, and my choices. I am no longer a victim of circumstance, abuse, or personality (yes, I use my personality as an excuse). I chose today to be the best ‘me’ I can be and to celebrate my progress in Christ.

Ownership of myself to become the best steward I can. Everything I have is God’s and I want to allow Him to flow through me.

It’s only with Him guiding me can I change these deep-rooted thoughts, habits, and daily choices. I can already feel a shift. I can already tell a difference. I’m not perfect and I know there will be days where I slip and fall. But every minute is a new minute. Every hour is a new hour. Every morning is a new day and I will have the chance to learn from the past and do better this time around.

When you feel like a struggle is overwhelming you, stop focusing on not doing the bad behavior but instead focus on what you should be doing!!

It works for pre-schoolers. My mom was a K-4 teacher for a number of years and she always told people to speak positively to kids. Instead of “don’t get on the table” say “please sit in your chair” instead of “don’t throw the ball” say “please roll the ball” and my favorite instead of “no hitting!” Use “hands are for helping, not hurting. How can you use your hands to help?” and what is best way to get those positive messages in kid’s heads? Song! 

“Clean up, clean up everybody everywhere, clean up clean up, everybody do your share.” (Bet you sang that didn’t you?)

Music moves me. It can change my mood, amplify it, or encourage it. When I was young I wrote songs. I don’t play an instrument, but I wrote lyric after lyric. I wish my computer hadn’t crashed so I could look back on those songs.

I wrote songs about losing my great-grandfather (one of the strongest and positive male role-model of my life). I wrote songs about feeling like I was watching life from the outside. Everyone seemed to connect so much better with each other than they did with me. I wrote about discovering the “real me” because I had no clue who that was.

Because of a single comment that was never meant to harm, I stopped writing songs. Just as I was playing with expressing my voice, it was choked out. They say that where your highest calling is, is the area you will be most attacked in. For me it has been my voice.

I’m loud, but I learned to be silent. I’m a strong personality, but I learned to be a doormat. I’m loving, but I learned self-rejection.

Life is a balance. But I’m learning to live like ME again. I LOVE people, meeting people, learning their stories, their strengths, their hopes and dreams. My past has shattered me but Jesus has used the pieces for a mosaic I would never have become if I stayed the vessel.

I’m writing songs again, coming back to a heart of worship. Instead of listening to the voice that says “don’t mess up,” I’m going to listen to the one that says “follow Me” 

“Coming back to You, I’m coming back to myself, running to find Your heart, I’m finding myself. I’m finding myself. Love me harder, love me stronger, love me sweeter than I can hide from. Oh Sweet Sweet Spirit, my Breath from heaven, let me not grieve You, deceive You, My Sweet Sweet Spirit, the One who comforts me, the One who lets me see.”

That moment the arrow flies straight into your heart, but it’s been prepared so instead of piercing through and ripping it to shreds, it instead performs the function of open heart surgery and cleans the plaque from your arteries. 

That’s the day I’ve had. First with a conversation with a co-worker, then a fellow world racer, then my boss, then my college and career group and ended on an even deeper note with my little sister. 

Words those close to me have been using for years suddenly take on new form and perspective. The meaning I had been understanding versus the meaning from their heart was vastly different. 

“Too sensitive” had always crushed me because I felt like they were saying my emotions were too much for them to handle. What they meant was “stop allowing yourself to be victimized because you are stronger and better than that.” 

“Fat” was a concern that I wouldn’t be able to do everything I wanted to because I couldn’t fit or I would be uncomfortable in. (Which is 100% true. My weight is what is keeping me from being able to go to the local zip line, and kept me from skydiving with my little sister – the harnesses simply don’t fit. And I always have to angle the camera down to hide my double chin.)

“Speak up” was meant to encourage me to vocalize what I wanted. To participate in the conversation. To be heard and be seen instead of bottling my needs and then bursting over the little things. 

“Are you really going to wear that?” Came from a place of love. They were trying to say I was worth more effort. In those moments I was allowing my level of self-worth to show on the outside — and let me tell you that level was (and still is some days) pretty low. 

“Just go say sorry and forgive them” at the moment it was said to me felt like the greatest betrayal. But years later I discovered it was the highest level of protection he could have provided. 

My communication style was vastly different from my family’s. When I think back sometimes on moments where I felt crushed and unsupported, I realize now that those were the moments their love for me shines the brightest. Because in those moments they refused to feed into the victim. They didn’t give me what I wanted. They gave me what I needed. 

Please don’t misunderstand me, there were MANY MANY times they gave me what I wanted: they sat through family meetings about temperaments and love languages and “Just listen and let me vent” sessions. My family is one of the most generous ones you will meet, and always giving meaningful and thoughtful gifts (even if they are turtle tanks instead of barbies – sorry Court). We say “I love you” countless times in a day and whenever one of us has a crisis, we gather together. We are each other’s safety net and we protect each other. I would say my dad is one of the strongest protectors I know. I could write an entire post on how strong he is (and I just might). My older sister comes a very close second to my dad. There are a plethora of times I claimed myself a victim of her and she took it when it was not her burden to bear. She doesn’t shy away from the tough stuff and the tough conversations. Instead of taking it in the spirit she meant it, I chose to be wounded over it. She was the first person to point that out to me and set me on a path to my greatest freedom. Her voice is a large piece of the story in me finding mine.

My family will tell you I’m the smart one. But really I’m just good with intellectual concepts and stringing together words. When it comes to the real stuff. To the tough stuff, my family is full of smart ones. 

They are stronger than I ever realized, and  God is revealing to my heart that so am I. 

I had a dream with Jesus the other day. He and I were just walking along the beach of the sands of time in my mind and it was beautiful. We were holding hands and just listening to the waves as we walked in the perfect salty ocean breeze. It was day time but all of the sudden these little baby sea turtles began to pop up out of the sand dunes and make their way to the water. My first instinct was to look around and make sure the moon was the only light. But it was day time. Light was all around. I looked at Jesus with wide eyes. “How are they going to know where the water is? Don’t they know they are supposed to hatch at night?”

He laughed and said, “They will find their way all right.” We turned our attention back to the babies doing their little army crawl to the gentle waves. My eyes locked on a gimpy turtle. He didn’t have even arms and so his path was diagonal instead of straight like all of the other shell drag patterns. I felt His shoulder nudge mine. “You feel like that’s you, don’t you?” I just smiled and redirected my watery eyes back to the gimp. “You see the path, I see the strength. You see that turtle will cover more ground than the others and be that much stronger when he hits the water. The muscles are being built up to a greater level.”

“But everyone else is going to get there first. He’ll be all alone on land.” 

“Are you watching, My Dove? Really watch the others.” His hand showed me the truth as it swept out. All the turtles were going different paces, some paths were more crooked. There were no straight paths. Some turtles were almost to the water, others were back among the broken pieces of egg. My gimpy turtle was moving faster than some, but he wasn’t the fastest. He did find a tide pool that the others were not aware of yet. 

My fear got the best of me. Tide pools are where crabs live and poor baby turtles have so many predators (some that attack before they even hatch). I moved to scoop my turtle-me out. Jesus’s hand pulled back on mine. “What are you scared of, Dove?” 

“Crabs! or gulls, anything could get him.” My hair whipped in frustration. Jesus is supposed to know everything! How could he forget there are dangers? Predators just waiting for the moment one strayed too far away. 

“Dearest, do you see any?”

“No, but they hide. Under the sand, behind the clouds, in the dunes.” 

“Do you trust Me?”

“Of course.”

“Do you?”

“Sometimes.” 

“Can you trust Me now?” His fiery eyes compelled me. Everything in me wanted to take flight. It’s terrifying. Trust Him? What if my turtle got hurt? What if he died? What if I could have stopped it? 

*One deep breath* I close my eyes and remember. When I open them again I have the courage to say one word. 

“Yes.”

He smiles. I love it when His face lights up. Like nothing and no one can make Him happier than I do. He spins me around but leaves His arms around me. We watch my little turtle play in the tide pool. This is what he was made for. To soar through the water weightlessly. 

“This is your tide pool season. I’ve got you and this is a taste of what you were created to do. You’ll learn, get stronger, and play. Have fun My daughter. I’ll protect you. Then we will go into the deep.” 

Eccl 3:1 “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.”

This is my season! A season of going out into the world and sharing the heart of God that I’ve come to know.

In January 2018, I felt like I had hit a spiritual wall. I was in a good place overall: involved in an engaging church, a heart-healing ministry, and had the ear and support of amazing family and friends. But God was opening up the dreams of my heart, bringing me into a new season; this season.

 I was searching for my next step, and the World Race kept coming across my path. My soul jumped and I knew. This! This is the season I am moving into. I am backpacking through 11 countries in 11 months, Belize, Honduras, El Salvador, Vietnam, Cambodia, Albania, Romania, Serbia, Ethiopia, Uganda and Rwanda, fulfilling the dreams of my heart to travel with Jesus. Ecclesiastes 3:11 “He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, He has put eternity into man’s heart, yet no one can fathom what God has done from the beginning to the end.”

Every day is going to look different on the World Race. The World Race is a mission’s trip affiliated with Adventures in Missions, a non-denominational Christian non-profit. Some of the work we will do include: teaching English, worship nights, sharing Jesus with children, construction, and going out two by two to pray for the people we encounter in the streets. We will have days where we seek, pray and listen to God. And in all that we will do, we will explore that amazing creation of God and experience unique and beautiful cultures.

I am traveling with a community of like-minded believers to experience the book of Acts in modern day times. I expect to go deeper with Jesus through worship, prayer, and fasting. I will see the uplifted and the broken-hearted of the world, and witness the love of God coming close to them. I expect miracles!! God will introduce me to a new part of His heart. “There’s a time for every matter and for every work.” Ecclesiastes 3:17b

Subscribe to my blog sarahannallen.theworldrace.orgto follow me on my journey and see how to pray for me and my team. If you wish to support my mission financially, there is a Donate tab on my blog where you can become a  monthly sponsor or contribute one-time gifts, or you can mail checks to PO Box 742570, Atlanta, GA 30374-2570, made payable to “Adventures in Missions” and be sure to specify in the memo line or with the enclosed card “Appealed by SarahAnn Allen” Either way, donations are tax-deductible! My first deadline is 5,000 by July 20^th. My second deadline is 10,000 total due Sept 21, and I need to be fully funded, 18,700, by Jan 31^st 2019.

If you would rather support me with the backpacking supplies I need (because yes, I am going to be living in a tent for all 11 months…) please email me!

Thank you for investing in me as we seek to build His kingdom.

All my love and His,

Sarah Ann Allen

Adventures In Missions is a tax-exempt organization under IRS code 501(c)(3) and is a member of the ECFA. (Evangelical Council for Financial Accountability). Due to IRS and ECFA regulations governing the administration of tax deductible donations given in support of a particular trip/program, support contributions given on behalf of an individual will be used to offset the costs of the trip/program you are involved in. All contributions are non-refundable regardless of the participant’s success in completing the program.

I was blessed to hear of a story where a man was watching a video of a ministry session in another language. When the man met the minister from the video in person, you could tell every fiber of him was grateful. Through the translator the man told the minister that he watched the video over and over and over. It was quite obvious to the minister that the man didn’t speak the language that the video was recorded in and there was no translation for it. Curious the minister inquired through the translator, “how did you know what was happening?” The man’s response was “I watched it until my soul understood.” 

There is so much beauty in this story. 

I found such deep encouragement in it as well because I have been trying to learn a few languages in preparation of the World Race. I studied Latin through Middle and High School, but I switched to Spanish when I hit college. The three semesters I had were insufficient for fluency when I went backpacking through Latin America back in 2015. I thought immersion would help but everyone wanted to speak English… 

The first 3 countries I am going to are Spanish-speaking so I am using Duolingo to help me get to a place where I can speak directly. I’m pretty good at understanding what someone is saying in Spanish but when it comes time to speak it back, I flounder. 

I’m also learning Swahili on Duolingo. It’s always been a language I have been interested in learning since I was in Tanzania back in 2000. While I learned some key words like Jumbo, Habari gani (Hello, How are you), and maji ya moto tafadhali (hot water please), I don’t think it will get me very far. But once again learning this language will only cover the last 3 months. 

Though we are going to have translators in areas, I was wanting that direct connection with the people, especially the children. I was leaning into the book of Acts and the power of tongues and praying for that gifting. 

But when I heard the above story, it was like Jesus was specking directly to my heart.

Till my soul understands. 

Body language is 70% of human communication. And full confession, though my boss tells me I could never be an undercover agent because my face is too readable, I do have a resting “B” face. I want to connect with those I encounter on a deep soul level. So when we both walk away from each other, our souls will have understood. 

 My prayer and what I will carry the countenance of God. That my body (especially facial features) will reflect His love, grace, healing, hope and purpose. That His Presence will have been fully understood in not just their spirit, but also their soul. 

We had a thunderstorm the other day. I personally love them. The light show and the reverberations are like heaven’s own rock concert. The feel of being surrounded by water but still being able to breathe reminds me of the ocean of grace I am forever lost in. It’s a special place God gave me a vision of years ago. And when I feel like I am drowning in the busyness of life, He reminds me of where I should be. Breathing in the deep waters of His grace. 

My little Lillie Mae (the family Shih Tzu) does not feel the same way. She shivers and shakes and climbs all over the nearest human who will comfort her. She’s 14 years old and she has reacted the same way to every thunderstorm since we got her as a puppy.

My dad, always making the most astute observations, made a comment that stuck with me for a while. “You’d think she’d learn that she has survived every one of those storms.” 

Part of me has always loved her reaction to the storm because while she is a sweet baby girl, she does get tired of all the pets after a while. But when there is a thunderstorm you can hold her and love on her and she won’t let go for a long time. But the other part of me has always hated that she was so scared. 

Don’t laugh at me (well, alright you can), but God speaks to me so much through my animals. And I feel like when my dad said that it was like God the Father was telling me, “You’ve survived every storm so far, this one will be no different.” I often spiritually like Lillie Mae does. When things begin to get crazy and all the things seem to be happening and changing. I run as fast as I can and spend all the time clinging and shaking. 

And I think God must feel a lot like I do, appreciative of all the love and cuddles, but sad that I am that scared when I am safe in His arms. 

Lillie is always excited to see us when we walk in the door. And always the first one to climb in bed with the first human to lay down and the last one to crawl out of bed when the last person gets up. She will be the first in the kitchen when she hears someone popping popcorn or opening her cookie jar (or anytime someone is in the kitchen really). But she only gets desperate when it involves thunderstorms. 

I want to be desperate for Him even when I’m not scared or making huge life decisions. I don’t want to walk away from cuddles and pets as I am sometimes apt to do when life gets “busy.” I want to be the shih tzu that gets put in God’s purse and carted around everywhere to hug and kiss all we come across. Even when it’s storming. 

I have an amazing ability to adapt and become okay with unchangeable environments. I worked for 2.5 years in an office with no window. I would change the visuals in my office every so often to make up for it and diffuse different scents or light different candles daily to help with sensory change. It was no big deal. After all, I was so blessed just to get an office to myself with a door! 

I have recently moved into an office that has an entire wall of windows. Floor to ceiling wall of windows. They don’t open but it is wonderful to look out and see the wind blowing the long pink flowers on the green bush. 

There are floor to ceiling blinds that cover this wall of windows and the center blind doesn’t have a working adjuster. The blinds are chronically closed. Within the first day I just accepted this fact and moved on, opening the other blinds and creating a peaceful space with the rest of the wall hangings. 

My boss was more bothered by this broken blind and so spent 2 hours the other day attempting to fix it. We took apart 2 different blinds trying to find this missing piece. But unfortunately this broken blind was unique unto itself and we couldn’t borrow this one plastic piece from another to fix this one. 

It’s funny all that search for one simple tiny plastic screw. 

It was closing time so he told me to go ahead and go and he would put them back up before heading home. 

The next morning when I walked in, he was very excited to show me something – the still broken blind. 

When he put it back up he noticed that the blind was closed but he was a little mystified as to how it got that way. He pulled the one of the three strings that holds all the slats in place and discovered it was that simple to fix.

It made me laugh because how many times in my life do I spend so much time looking to fix the piece that’s broken, when in fact God is wanting me to chuck the broken piece and find His creative solution with what is next?

The middle blind has quickly become my favorite as it is so easy to open and close whereas the others that still have the twist adjuster are slightly more effort and time consuming to open and close (honestly we are talking seconds difference here… but still).

What in your life are you hyper focused on fixing that God is asking you to simply let go of? 

What creative solution will He provide today? 

If you’ve ever been around 4 and 5 year olds for a space of time, you’ve probably heard them ask a question. “Why?” 

There is a time when our brains switch from learning language and basics that we begin to question the purpose behind actions and words. But as we grow, habits and thoughts become so ingrained in us that we stop asking ourselves why, we just do it. 

“It is not the arguments being debated that is most dangerous, but those that are assumed.” 

It’s a quote I heard once that stuck with me. (If one of you knows the source please comment with it, 80% chance it is CS Lewis.) I’m reminded daily that there are foundational assumptions that I live my life out of. God is constantly challenging those assumptions to highlight the ones that are His versus the ones that are lies (You know, building your house upon the rock instead of the sand analogy).

There is this Japanese concept called Kaizen. It is a process that people and businesses use to constantly improve on themselves and their process. It is a continuous daily effort to make changes for the better. Businesses do this through the 5 Why’s – asking a sequence of questions to determine the root(s) of the issue. 

Both Kaizen and the 5 Why’s process are completely dependent on the knowledge and persistence of those involved. It’s why we sometimes tire of the whys little ones ask when we get to a concept that is deeper than elementary words can express. But I feel like I also get a little frustrated when a “why?” touches on an area I haven’t thought about in a while. 

Maybe because I have a little Guardian inside me that doesn’t want to look too closely at the answer to that question. Maybe I’m living out of a place of past pain that my brain has decided its best to keep in the dark. 

But God is a God of light, love, and healing! 

So many times in scripture we read of God asking questions. It’s not because He doesn’t know the answer. He knows. But because He wants US to know. Deeper revelations come from deep within us. 

I can’t tell you how many times someone has talked at me and spoken deep truths. And sometimes I would recognize them as such. But most times my brain was like “oh cool” *moves on to the next thing.* Weeks, months, or years later I would be asked a question “why?” And from the well of my heart, it would surface. 

My why. 

Sometimes full of truth, sometimes full of lies, but always good to know. 

I’m excited for the new season of Kaizen the World Race will bring. I am fully expecting to hear questions from the Lord in response to my outcries about whatever adventure the trip brings. 

My ultimate goal on this trip is – as best said by my goddaughter when asked why she painted her room in nailpolish – “I want to make it boo-ti-full.” 

What can I say about Training Camp? 

For one it is aptly named. We had situation after situation thrown at us in the best way. 

For two, I’m still unpacking (and I don’t just mean my backpack – though technically I do still need to unpack). I never thought my life could be so full. I remember 2 weeks of grad school – I had 60 pages of research papers due in 2 weeks – not because I had slacked off. Oh no, I had been grading undergrad papers for the 2 weeks prior and then meeting with students who needed to understand why I took points off for them referring to Russia as the Ukraine’s abusive ex-boyfriend (creative but doesn’t belong in an academic paper).

It was a lot. I stopped sleeping – not completely but I subsisted on 20 min power naps, one every 5-8 hours for the duration of the 2 weeks. 

I thought that was a very FULL time in my life.

Training camp? Training camp was a different kind of full. 

It was full of people! 

People who are vastly different than me – but we all share the same heart and the same goals and in a lot of ways had the same insecurities. 

It was full of teaching! 

We had speaker after speaker after speaker talk about everything from “what is the good news of the gospel?” To “expectations of a world racer” to “walk through the Bible – Old Testament” I took notes and filled up my 144 page notebook! 

It was full of healing! 

So many of my squad mates and launch mates were set free from past pain, trauma and struggles! I myself was released from a deep-rooted shame I carried for years.

It was full of challenges! 

Between the fitness hike (which I completed with a minute to spare thanks to the encouragement and assistance – hand holding – of my teammate and squad leader Whoot!), the night “the airline lost half your luggage” and sitting on hard plastic chairs or concrete the whole 11 days, I was exhausted at the end. But every challenge presented a chance to press forward with Jesus and praise Him because there was an opportunity to enter into a new glory. 

It was full of love! 

I can hardly write this one. The amount of love and support poured out over each of us. Not only was God showing up every day (like He does) to shower us with His Presence and love, but every staff person, trainer, squad leadership and support member, squad mates and launch mates were constantly encouraging and engaging each other to honor and serve. Girls would braid each others’ hair, people would offer the extra food at their table to other tables, we bought snacks for each other, borrowed each other’s pens, blankets, razors, hammocks, tents, pillows, you name it. The community I experienced was full of love for the Lord and for each other. And I can’t wait to begin the journey of 11 months of traveling and ministering with my new brothers and sisters! 

I am clay

Molded and shaped by life, 

my choices, 

my decisions, 

my experiences.

All have changed me.

Some places I am straight and smooth.

Others I am bulbous and caddywampus

But the overall effect is beautiful.

I am beautiful.

I am in the fire.

Parts of me are burning

Parts of me are glazed

Parts are bare 

Parts are raw inside

The kiln-fired shell scarcely concealing the pieces that have yet to set.  

I have shattered. 

All my pieces have hit the floor.

Lifeless and uncertain of their purpose.

People walk by 

Some look down and see 

Others tread on the fragments, breaking them further into dust.

The glaze that had glossed the red substance now being the only thing holding it together.

“How sad she’s broken”

“What good is she now?”

The conversations swirl around me:

“What is she doing these days?”

The response: “Nothing.” 

My response: “surviving” 

Water begins to crawl along the floor. 

The furthest pieces begin to turn dark with moisture

They move closer.

The dust of me travels, 

The fragments rest.

The cooling freshness allows me to breathe again.

Soon I am drowning.

Swirling with the water

Still no course

Still no purpose

Still lost and broken

I have not changed 

But I have moved

The water deepens.

I can’t see the people

I can’t hear the conversations

I can’t taste the dirt

I can’t feel the floor

I can’t smell the fear.

The pressure!!

Oh God, the pressure.

The water is pushing me

Deeper into the wall.

Some pieces are glossy side out,

Others are the lumpy insides meant to stay hidden.

My once useful and purposeful form is gone. 

In its place are shards that sometimes cut, sometimes soothe

All are moving into the wall. 

Out of order

Out of place.

Out of my control

So beautifully out of my control

Do I want this? 

Do I like what I am becoming? 

Pieces of me begin to fit with pieces of others

I am not alone 

I am not alone

I am becoming a part of something 

Something profound

Something I cannot see

Sharp edges still poke out.

The water is pushing them in.

The seemingly haphazard separation becomes perfection. 

This piece fits with that fragment 

I’m not a puzzle to be put back together in to the original form.

Oh no,

I am meant for more than that.

The rushing water drowns out the 

Doubt

Fear

Comparison 

Questions

I do nothing but rest deeper

Snuggle deeper into my position in the wall.

The glaze shines brighter – polished by the liquid 

The rough insides become smoother. 

Still lumpy but soft to touch. 

This is it.

Becoming beauty.

Becoming a part of something greater 

I am not perfect. 

    – Will I ever be? 

I will be resting

Allowing the water to move me

Shape me

Polish me

Place me 

Till I become all that He wishes.

Till I become love. 

We are leaving today! We’ve been in Launch mode for the last couple days in a beautiful hotel in Atlanta. We’ve sat through sessions where we learned more about living in community, how to live every day life as mission, team building activities, and just spending time worshipping God! It’s been so good! 

The point that keeps getting deep is intentionality. 

If I’m not intentional about pursuing God and following His lead to Love on people, my default will be to not. 

If I’m not intentional about engaging I will spend these next 11 months as a spectator, not a participant. 

If I’m not intentional about leaving behind the shame, rejection, and fear, I can’t walk in the freedom Jesus already paid for. 

I want to live this year with bold intention. That starts with the renewing of my mind. 

The following are the 11 Declarations, that I will speak daily till they become my natural response in all situations! 

I am loved by God regardless of my performance.

I am enough because Jesus says I am.

I am constantly falling deeper in love with Jesus as I spend time engaging with Him. 

My life belongs to God. Daily I seek Him, and daily He directs my steps. I know His voice, and He leads me to His perfect will.

I will not put off till tomorrow what can and should be done today.

I will see the need God wants to meet and listen to how He wants to move. 

I will fully engage and be 100% present 

I will trust God and His word without conditions or reservations.

I am a powerful person and will choose to not make excuses.

I am creative, innovative, driven, focused, and blessed beyond measure—because the Holy Spirit dwells within me.

I am bold! I am empowered. I am chosen. I am called. I am a masterpiece of God, created in Christ Jesus, to do good works which God prepared in advance for me to do.

Such a sweet welcome to a beautiful country! There are so many reasons to love Belize! 

What about our ministry hosts? 

Our hosts are so thoughtful, generous and kind. Pastor Jerome is one busy man. He wears so many hats but you can tell that he genuinely loves the people and they love him back. He is a full time post office employee, full time pastor and goes to school at night! 

His wife Dianna has been a gem! She surprised us with a Belizean breakfast of FryJack and refried beans. Y’all, it was the best breakfast! (We had the leftover for lunch even though it’s typically a breakfast or dinner meal) Dianna has been an anchor for me here. Her gentleness and heart to serve has been the best role model of the church. We have so much fun but we also get the work done. 

We have been painting the preschool, and attending and serving in church services. There is something every night except for Thursdays. We even went to the local high school and each shared our testimonies! In one class 10 students raised their hand to accept Christ as their savior! How amazingly cool! But overall we have been building relationships with the Belizean people. 

How amazing are the Belizeans?!? 

They never hesitate to help. They acknowledge EVERYONE in the street. When you pass them, it is considered somewhat rude to NOT make eye contact and smile. Generally there is even a brief conversation. They have a true sense of community and what it means to see the life of the others. 

Even their pledge of allegiance is community centered:

“My pledge to Belize. Belize is my country. I am Belize. Belize is my family, my school, my church, and my community. I am the hope of Belize. The hope of today and tomorrow. I live and learn not only for myself but for my sisters and brothers. I am the hope of Belize. I promise to serve Belize as faithfully as I can.” 

They clean constantly. They make sure their country stays beautiful and they take ownership of their space in a gentle way. It is so beautiful to witness. 

And their food!!!! 

What can I say about Belizean food?!? 

Dianna once again has come to the rescue teaching us patiently how to make FryJack, Beans and Rice (their national dish), journey cakes (the best biscuit you will ever eat), and so much else. I’m the cook of the group and let me tell you, the spices they use are amazing! Each meal is so filling and delicious and we are learning to cook as many local dishes as possible! (They have so many!!!) 

There are things I am having trouble learning to like. They eat chicken neck, backbone, cartilage, feet, and gizzard. I’ve tried the neck and the gizzard and we will be trying feet later on this week or next but I couldn’t bring myself to eat the backbone or the cartilage (I know I should be more adventuresome, but y’all there is still 10 other countries…) 

What about the countryside itself? 

Belize is beautiful. We got to ride on all 4 of their main highways. I would definitely say the hummingbird highway is the most beautiful as it goes through the valley and you see all the mountainous beauty around you. So many gorgeous trees and nature around. The houses are painted bright and beautiful colors: pink, blue, teal, yellow, red, and more! They were built to stand out. The beaches here are shores of the Caribbean Sea and the water is so clear and blue. But the sun is hot hot! I was so careful to not get sunburned but it happened anyways…. but the beach was 100% worth it! 

In all ways I look out at the country and see a reflection of the heart of the people: a rich and vibrant spirit, so strong and beautiful. I’m so blessed to be here! 

The first day we touched down in Belize 5 people and a sweet little girl met us at the airport. One of those people has quickly become a dear friend. Jermaine King is a stunning individual. He has so many talents including photography (more than half the pictures of me have been taken by him). His testimony is one of the most incredible that I have heard. Full of faith, patience and the protective nature of God. 19 years old and he is a wealth of wisdom, joy and quiet strength. 

Jermaine has been ministering faithfully beside us for over a week now. I asked him to write a guest blog for me. It surpassed expectations. 

See a piece of my brother’s precious heart below: 

Team Surrendered 1st country Belize

Belize is the only English-speaking country in central America. With its diverse cultures and landscape makes it so stunning. My pastor and I had the privilege to welcomed team surrendered to our country and mostly to the Independence church of the Nazarene where they will spend most of their mission time. Over the past week, I had the opportunity to experience working along side the team. It was truly nice to see how well they worked together. Team surrendered surpass the level of kindness, helpfulness, welcoming, laughers, friendly and even encouragement that they openly showed to our church as well as the villagers. Truly you can see the love of God shining through each of them. In Mark 12: 31 says ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” While your neighbor are the people that physically lives beside you and you are to treat them with the same love that you show to yourself. But our neighbor is also everyone we come in contact with and team surrendered does this commandment so naturally. The unique aspect of team surrendered is they bonded with us so naturally like they knew us from a longtime. Their radiant smiles and joy that comes from within each of them is so phenomenal. You can surely see that it is God working in them and through them.

What makes Team surrendered excited?

The team was so excited to learn about the different cultures and their language. It was so fun teaching them Kriol. They catch on swiftly and practice different phrases in Kriol. Watching them learning to cook like Belizeans was so fun. The way there faces lights up as they try the different food was mostly the greatest part of the day. Joshua 1:3 states that “Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given you.” God has surely given Belize and the other ten countries to team surrendered. We have been blessed by them coming here to minister to us. This week was full of God doing great things through team surrendered.

What kind of Minister work they did?

The Independence High school is well known for their growing student body as well as cultural diversity. In the gospel John Jesus said “Come follow me and I will send you out to fish for people.” This is exactly what team surrendered did, they went to Independence High school to share their testimonies and Jesus to students. I was honored to join them in almost all of the classes that they shared in. Hearing Martha, Sarah Ann, Lauren, Bonnie, Jillian and Kaitlin stories of what God have and still is doing for them really touched and encourage me to keep trusting and obeying God. I am sure that each student in those classes was encouraged and found out more about who God is and how he loves each of them. Team surrendered planted seeds those days and I can’t wait to see them grow.

What God gave me to bless team surrendered?

Before I wrote this blog, I prayed asking God to give me a word or a verse that he wants team surrendered to know and be confident in. The following day when I was proceeding with writing God lead me to Joshua 1:3 which states that “Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given you.” Martha, Sarah Ann, Lauren, Bonnie, Jillian and Kaitlin know that God has given you all each of the other Country including Belize. We were blessed by each one of you all and we love you all so much!!!!!!!!! 

Blessings,

Jermaine A. King Jr. 

There is just something I love about handwriting. I developed my own alphabet style when I was 13 and I feel like it represents who I am. It’s flowy and sharp at the same time. It goes outside the lines of normal but not in a rebellious way, more of a “going the extra mile” feel. 

I was talking one night with a Belizean friend about how much I value handwritten notes. I always feel that when I touch something that has not only been handled by another person but changed, it makes it special and beautiful. I have a deeper connection with handwritten letters than text on a screen. 

Since I can’t write each of you who have subscribed to my blog a letter I want to share some of the beautiful handwritings of Belize. Some are from a recipe book Dianna’s mother made her when she got married, some were Dianna’s own additions to the cookbook, two are handwritten letters to me from new friends as I left them, and a few are postcards I wrote home. 

I hope you can see what I see when I look at those pages: the cadence of the loops, the crunched letters to make sure there is space, the dropping of food as the words on the page were brought to life and applied in real time, the tear marks from the emotion the letter drew, even the mistakes that make it known it was a first draft and instinctual like a conversation would be.

“The faintest ink is more powerful than the strongest memory” – Chinese Proverb

Having to leave Belize was hard. But I am by no means leaving empty. The people are too amazing to let that happen. There are so many words of wisdom I will carry with me to the other countries and beyond. 

(Also see the end note for a full picture of the ministry we assisted with!) 

“Use your head not only for gel and grease” – Pastor Jerome 

It’s easy to draw a crowd when you are giving something away, but when you are asking them to give something, it’s much harder. – Stephen 

“It’s okay, we can borrow Jesus.” (Turning the van around in another church’s yard). – Jermaine 

“Here (in Independence, Belize) you only die from sickness, sugar, cancer and old age!” – Timothy

“When the war is won I will praise you” – Hillsong “Even When it Hurts” 

It doesn’t specify victory. Only the end of the war. Even when I’m on the losing side, I’ll praise you. – Personal Revelation

“God is not a video game. You cannot max Him out, reach the highest level, nor can you predict Him.” – Pastor Fredrico Lord

“Sometimes you have to speak the truth until you believe it. I listened to the song ‘I will trust You’ many times a day.” – Dianna 

“To carry out God’s plan, it requires strategic partnering with significant people.” – Kingdom Networking Sermon

“Think beyond your eyes, beyond your thoughts to the meaning behind it. When you look at the net, tell me what you see.” – LJ Rodriguez 

The different people groups in Belize are Creole, Mestizo, Mayas (of which there are four groups: Mopan, Yucatán, Ketchi, Mayan), East Indian, Garinagu, and Mennonite. – General knowledge from Jermaine and Dianna

If Jesus had been with the disciples in the boat when the storm happened, they wouldn’t have been scared. He had calmed the wind and the waves before. But Jesus had stayed behind and they were scared. He chose to walk on water to get to the other side. — When we see Jesus with us physically, it doesn’t give Him the opportunity to surprise us with a new thing. When He comes in that new way it’s an invitation to join Him in it. – blended revelation from Stephen’s sermon. 

“In Genesis there was an attack on men (think about Moses’s birth story, all the Hebrew male babies were killed because they were viewed as a threat). In the New Testament there was an attack on men (Herod killing the Hebrew boys when he heard Jesus was born). Now there is an attack on men!” – revival sermon 

“When we compromise our integrity, we allow the enemy to buy our voice.” – Pastor Fredrico Lord 

So many good nuggets! I was so blessed to be a part of the Independence Church of the Nazarene! 

We painted the preschool, inside, outside and the new addition, we fellowshipped with the congregation almost every night and on Sundays, we have our testimonies and shared Jesus for a few days at the local high school (12 classes in 2 days!), we taught Sunday school at a Mayan village, lounged on the beach in Placencia, ate the most amazing Ice-cream ever from Tutti-Frutti, hung out a a local cafe, fell in love with cheesecake ice cream made by Mennonites, learned to cook and eat chicken gizzard, neck, tail, backbone, and cartilage, learned how to make fry jack, journey cakes and powder buns, fasted with the church for revival, gave our testimonies in front of the congregation, I sang with the praise and worship team during their harvest thanksgiving which is a beautiful time of coming back to God and giving Him the first fruits, had a sleepover with all the girls, got interviewed for the Facebook page, learned creole, got loved on by the special people in the congregation, prayed for healings and saw the miracle happen, participated in a skit for the youth, went night fishing, teased LJ, spent time being creative and girly with Diana and Mireya, had random worship jam sessions with people, saw Mayan ruins, sang reggae worship songs, and throughly enjoyed every minute I spent with the Belizeans. They are so joyful, so positive, not afraid to get loud and dance, and I will miss them with all my heart till I come back to claim it! 

All my love and more, 

Sarah Ann

You don’t make mistakes. You don’t make mistakes! I know that truth about You so when I see Your sons and daughters born without limbs, or with their brain wired differently than my own I know You created them for a purpose. Some were born blind so You could display Your glory power. Some were born to inspire us to grow in our communication — those we label disabled are simply those You created out of joy and Love. 

Those I encountered this week pour out Your joy. Their smiles usher in delight. In a country where there is already a language barrier, we are ministering to a people who have a language barrier with their countrymen too. But that is what is so beautiful. Hugs, dancing, painting, smiling, playing with toys, sitting on a mound of stripped fabric to roll them into balls, braiding hair and painting nails, such simple non-verbal ways to share You and Your love for them. 

Oh Father, I don’t doubt Your goodness, nor do I doubt Your faithfulness. I don’t know Spanish. I don’t know what the moanings of Your son means. I don’t know how to hear the cries of Your daughter’s heart, but I know You do. I know you give EVERYONE the opportunity to choose You and so I know that while I may be a piece of the puzzle that is their story of You, You don’t need me. And how freeing that is. How much more that makes me love them. I’m not forced into it. I’m invited into Your heart. And what a wonderful invitation! 

But even more You invite others to love me just the same. It’s not something they are forced into. It is something they are invited into. 

When I face the ones we are loving on this month, I’m reminded even more that the family we are born into are not required to love us — or even to keep us. Their biological families decided in some form or fashion that they couldn’t or wouldn’t care for these. So they were adopted into a community who is not looking to fix them but rather to care for them, to love on them and to learn their unique language to help them connect to the rest of the world. 

They use physical therapy, equine therapy, classes to teach them math, reading, writing, finances, pottery, carpet-making, life skills, psychological therapy, massage therapy, and more. They work so hard to connect.

This is such picture of how You Love us. You speak in so many ways: through scripture, nature, other people, dreams, visions, feeling, a still small voice in our head, impressions, and a knowing in our spirit and so many more ways.

I don’t think there is anything in life You don’t use to connect with us. 

My prayer for this month, while we simply sit and know You are God with the ones You created to be like children for life, is that you give my squad mates and me peace. Some of the conditions are so hard to witness. But let us love them like You would. Place Your heart in ours. 

Holy Spirit overflow in us and in this place. Be the Comforter, the Healer, and the Lover of our souls. 

“Don’t measure yourself from your head to the ground. Measure yourself from here to the sky.” It’s the quote I heard once in a movie – I can’t remember which one. I think it was one of the lesser known indie films. Regardless, it stuck. 

Do you ever feel like you don’t measure up? Like you can’t do what is being asked of you because you are too tired, confused, inexperienced, weak, busy, and every other excuse in the book?

I have days when I just shut down and shut off. Nothing in me feels like I can do anything of worth. 

It’s those days that I question everything. I remember breaking down in a car with my two mentors a few years ago sobbing the question over and over “why do you love me?  What is there to love about me?” 

I had one of those days earlier this month. Not as intense as the one a few years ago – I wasn’t questioning whether I was worthy of love. I was questioning if I had enough for ministry this month. 

This ministry isn’t easy. Not simply the community for adults with disabilities, but the ministry of all-squad month on the World Race. 

All 38 of us are living in a 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom house and the 3 boys have tents pitched in the yard. I personally am in a room with 13 other girls and every morning we stack our sleeping pads on top of the one bed in the room so that it can be swept and mopped (to prevent us getting parasites). 

We are required to be in groups of at least 3 outside of the house and need to be back in the gate by 5pm every day for safety reasons.

It is so hard to get time alone. 

And to be honest I never realized how much I needed alone time before this month. I was happy last month. But this month, with lack of a place to go in the middle of the day to lay down and rest, and no place to feel okay breaking down in front of the Lord (without at least 3 absolutely precious people checking in on you to make sure you are okay – which is sweet but interrupting)…. it’s been hard. 

You would think the bathroom would be a good place to be by yourself, but there is either knocking about 2 to 3 min after you get in there, or you will have one person showering, one on the potty and the third washing her face in the same room. 

It’s been an amazing bonding experience and has led to some hardcore laughing fits for sure. 

I spent the day home from ministry to let Jesus speak to my heart about all that was going on. And He had a good word that day that was perfect for the day but my answer for measuring up came last night on the way back from the mall for adventure day. 

This is a brief excerpt: 

Cotton Candy Skys and Country Love Songs

I can’t believe the sights my eyes take in by the second are images you would see captured on National Geographic. How incredible that I am here experiencing this!  

It seems to be that when it comes to buses I choose the side with height. It’s not on purpose, but when you are driving through mountains there is a side where you see where you could be if you were higher. The other side you see how high up you are. Maybe it’s my creative mind, maybe it’s a revelation, but I always seem to have that perspective. 

I always see where I want to be and know that is higher than where I currently am. I rarely look back to see where I came from.

But God, You have taken me through so much. I am so much stronger in You! Speak the truth to my heart once again.  

Thanksgiving was great! Full of thankfulness, fun, coffee, talking to family and friends, and meeting new ones. 

After 26 years of thanksgiving with my family – usually spent at the Camp House – this is the first one I haven’t been with my family. I didn’t feel it as much as I thought I would excepting the phone call with my mom.

I was fine that morning collecting grateful rocks from the river – to remind us to be thankful for the little things – breath in our lungs, a pillow under our head, the ability to speak and communicate, and food in our stomachs! 

I loved getting to talk with my Grandmom, Aunt Dianna, cousins, Dad, Mama Joyce, Uncle Bobby, Nedra, Capri and Krysten. It was so good to hear their voices and catch up for a little. After a brief lunch of rice and hot dogs, I packed and went back to a coffee shop to try and talk to my mom. 

 At first the cell service where she was at wasn’t strong enough for her to hear me. But I could hear her “I can’t hear you but Happy thanksgiving, and I love you.” 

*Cue tears.*

I put on Stefany Gretzinger’s album The Undoing (the softest most beautiful love-based worship songs). And just tried to refocus on being thankful that I at least got to hear her voice, and talk to everyone I got to. 

Twenty minutes later – when I had finally collected myself – she called me back. My heart was so full. I choked back tears as I said hi because my mom and little sister had gotten into the car and drove till they had cell service enough to call me and talk. They parked on the side of the road for 30 minutes just so we could talk about life on thanksgiving. 

We hung up because I had to leave the coffee shop (one of the 3 places in town where there is WiFi). And I went to the Posada de Ángeles where we were to have our thanksgiving feast and the beginning of The Awakening! 

What is an Awakening you may ask? 

It’s an amazing blessing from the Lord – a sprinkle of glitter on the Race – put together by Adventures in Missions (AIM). 3 squads come together to learn, love and laugh together for 3 days!  

We are the “youngest” squad being in our 2nd month. K squad is in their 4th month and F squad is in month 11 with only 9 days left till they fly home. 

We get to meet these amazing racers in person and gather wisdom from them, get more infected with excitement, and play! 

The vision for this Awakening is Ownership. – so be prepared for some future blogs about the sessions and revelations from this weekend! 

Oh and our Thanksgiving Feast was on a World Race budget – but Scarleth did a phenomenal job and we had chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans! They also had apple pie, pecan pie, and donuts for sale for desert. It was delicious and enough of home to make the day perfect! 

Prayers that I receive all God has for me this weekend and that I come away with  62 new friends! 

40 pages of notes within 2 days – that’s a snippet of how much I got out of this weekend. 

It was a weekend of delving deeper with the Lord. Trusting in His heart and in His plan. Sitting in His presence amidst the brokenness of my soul. 

This is just the first of the few blogs I will be writing about the Awakening. 

Just a warning: you will be let into some deep stories of my past. 

I pray it doesn’t trigger you, but rather helps compel you along your journey of healing. I pray God encounters you where you are and wraps His arms around you. I pray you too can sit in your brokenness and let the Holy Spirit comfort your heart. Don’t run from the pain because pain is not bad. It hurts but there is a purpose in it. 

Whatever you run from has power over you. And as a son or daughter of God, You have dominion over everything. So don’t run from it. Don’t let it control you. Be okay with sitting in it – be still and know He is God. Wait for God to move for you, to fight for you, to be fiercely protective of you. 

Take a moment of silence. SELAH “pause in the presence of the Lord” (written 71 times in the book of Psalms). 

Experience the Lord.

No headphones. 

No Bible.

No journal. 

Hear the world around you and know you are a part of it. 

But intentionally connect with the Father. The Son. The Holy Spirit.

Now, pull out a journal. Process with God. Pour your heart out to Him. 

Pray a Breath Prayer: 

Think of a word to describe the current condition of your soul right now in this moment. 

Then think of a name of God to match up with that condition that will meet you where you are in the moment. 

Now come up with a breath prayer for those two words of phrases. 

Breathe in the name of God, breathe out the prayer. 

An example is: 

My soul is currently lonely

God is Immanuel (God with us) 

Breath prayer: 

(Breathe in) Immanuel, (breathe out) come close to my heart. 

Continue breathing with Him as many times as you need. 

I got the best advice from a F squader. F squad goes home in a few days as they are now at final debrief. 

One of them said to pursue the difficult relationship. Pursue those who are hard to love. I thought I knew who God was speaking to my heart to pursue. 

I was wrong. – well, I’m still going to pursue that person too, but I realized due to her lack of interest and being more physical than most in her refusal, there is a resident of our house who spends most days inside while the rest of us sit outside or go to the ballcourt. We tried for the first week but I let her fall trough the cracks because it was hard. 

She fell last week and I found her. She was on the floor and a pool of blood was slowly growing around her head. I was terrified. I yelled for the Tias who had been outside doing laundry. 

One came in and after grabbing a towel for her head I ran for the on-site nurse. They checked her out and took her to the hospital. She was back the next morning. 

She’s fine but it made me realize she is one we – or maybe just I – am scared to interact with. 

She might hit you at any moment, or fall and hit her head again. She will fight to stay by herself. She will walk in the direction opposite the one you are trying to lead her in. She will fight you on the walk outside but once she is out, soaking up the sun – she dances. 

How many times is that me with God? 

God, I don’t want to go, I fight, I try to stay secluded inside where it is dark but it is known and it is safe. 

Another F squander told me to resolve to say yes to everything that scares you – anything you are remotely scared or intimidated by. 

It’s a double meaning here y’all. I’m scared of falling in love with yet another resident whom I will have to say goodbye to in a week. I’m scared that she will be hurt again, and this time instead of being able to distance myself from the blame I will have to own it (don’t worry this ownership blog will come out shortly). But fear is just a sign we should press forward. 

It’s not a spirit of the Lord and is usually what we have to walk through to get to what Jesus has for us. “For He did not give us a spirit or fear or timidity but of power, love and discipline.”

Today I fought to bring her outside. And we are dancing. It’s beautiful. Everyone else went to the ballcourt. And it’s perfect because God has provided a space for me to intentionally pursue her. And let her know without a shadow of a doubt that she is being pursued – not just by me but by God. 

We are reading Song of Songs (in Spanish), the love letter of God to His bride. I recommend it in The Passion Translation for you English speakers. (You can get it on the Bible App You Version if you don’t want to buy it, but you’ll probably want to buy it…)

“Toda tú eres bella, amada mía; no hay en ti defecto alguno.”

Cantares 4:7 NVI

“Every part of you is so beautiful, my darling. Perfect is your beauty, without flaw within.” Song of Songs 4:7 TPT 

Listen to the Father saying that over you today. 

Then imagine Jesus speaking it to your heart.

Now picture the Holy Spirit whispering it over your soul. 

The awakening was amazing and I’m still chewing on so much of it. 

Reid Mason spoke about ownership. He broke it down into 3 parts:

1. A Good God is gave it 
2. I can handle it 
3. I can look past it

If God is good, constant, and knows me, I can trust what He has given me. 

I have the power to make it better; I am worthy of it all because God created me. – HE believed I was worth it all.

I have the vision to look past what is in front of me and take action. I have both authority and power – permission and ability. 

I can take ownership of my life – the good, the bad – and walk in freedom.

The bad stuff we tend to pack away in our basement. I love a good southern living staged house like so many other Christians. But churches are for the imperfect as hospitals are for the sick. 

Reid encourages each of us to unpack our basement with Jesus. 

I was so excited! 

This sounds really great on paper. But when I went to unpack I was like – what? 

So I went back to Reid like “help!” 

He told me to ask myself: 

What defines me? 

What has authority and power over me? 

Do you define yourself as someone who has performance issues? Does it limit what you decide to do? 

Open the box and see what is inside. 

My basement walls are painted with Rejection. All the boxes stem from that. It causes me to attempt to earn love, attention and acceptance. I reject myself and the parts of myself that have been the perceived cause of rejection in my life. It’s why I crave physical touch (massages and cuddles), why I love hallmark romance movies so much, why it’s easier for me to connect with others through pain and trauma, why I always have to have the answer and be “in the know”. 

Nothing seems to fill my love tank… the bottom has fallen out. 

But I know God is good. He who has began a good work will not leave till it is complete. I’m not alone in the basement. The Father, Son and Holy Spirit are all present. All gently guiding me back to their heart. Loving me into a place of healing. 

Maybe They are the bottom of my Love tank….. 

I encourage you to explore your basement. Don’t re-traumatize yourself. But be okay sitting in the pain and ask God “where are you in this?” Let Him show up. Be still and know He is God and wait for Him to move. Because when He does, He brings so much more with Him.

But in all of it His grace, His Presence is sufficient.  

Daisy cries.

Nora dances.

Gezel swings.

Karen rocks.

Doris drools. 

Carla sits. 

Melba cuddles.

Juan grabs. 

David moves.

They each have something to teach me. Only Melba speaks but they are all a wealth of wisdom. Sitting on the porch with them, rocking Karen and Carla, listening to Stefany Gretzinger’s The Undoing album, I soak in the warmth of the sun, the cool touch of the mountain breeze, the tweets of birds and the call of the rooster. 

All is quiet. All is peace.

Open up let the light in repeats with instrumentals that calm and soothe. 

This is the breath I needed today. 

I love the house I’ve been serving in this month. Every amazing resident has taught me so much: 

Olga returned to me my joy and that is okay to show how passionate you are about seeing someone and her love of physical touch is precious.

Danny taught me it’s good to make eye contact, it makes people feel seen, and loved. 

Fidelia is in love with nature. She always knows what she wants and she perseveres till she gets it. 

Yolani isn’t afraid to speak, or repeat herself when she is not understood. She never seems to get upset about it either, she just keeps talking. 

Wendy in the wheelchair doesn’t hide her emotions. She dances big, cries big and smiles bigger.

Francis sees everything, gets involved in everything but loves so deeply.

Rosalinda laughs with abandon. 

Daniella shows a gentle loving grace. She blows kisses even when she is in pain. 

Kelby comforts himself, he rubs his head and just plays with his fingers. 

The other Wendy shows fight, but also submission (you might recognize her from the blog post Sticky Hands and Humble Hearts). And though I have yet to see her smile she does dance. 

I’m taking so much from this month, but God decided to bless me even more. This house, even though I will only be spending 3 hours here, has taught me more.

Melba receives love first. You walk in, she hugs you tight and then asks you to sit down. She curls herself into your lap and just rests her head against your chest. She can cuddle like that for 20 or more minutes. She is beautiful. About the size of a 10 year old girl I know she is at least 3 times that age. 

Once she is done getting her cuddles, she moves on to “mama” the rest of the residents. She kisses them, makes them feel seen and loved. 

I want to be like that. 

I tend to put everyone’s needs before my own and though I’ve gotten better about voicing what I need, I still tend to cave more than I stand. 

I admire the strengths of the residents. Though the world may see their weakness at first glance, now that I have spent time with them, I see their strengths. 

Daisy isn’t afraid to use her voice.

Nora walks in joy always.

Gezel is content.

Karen accepts comfort.

Doris loves kisses. 

Carla smiles. 

Melba pours out the love she has gathered.

Juan explores the world with all his senses. 

David soaks up the warmth of the sun

This person could teach me a novel, but God could teach me an encyclopedia 

Fight for the hard goodbye (the easy ones you never invested in). 

I don’t care if my blog has 10 views or 100 because I have lived that story. 

Your passions really show when others don’t recognize it. If you are out here for recognition you are out here for the wrong reason.

Make a list of things that fill you up.

Make a list of three different categories that you want to be your primary focus.

In those 3 categories what are the 3 non-negotiable that you want to do consistently. Live that way 

What is your strength, what is your weakness? How can we cover you? How can we work through it with you? 

Don’t rush into healing but skip the application of the healing. There are habits that become exposed in the process that you need to acknowledge. Embrace the brokenness and heal from it. 

Resolve to say yes to everything that scares you. Anything you are remotely scared or intimidated by. 

Pray everyday “God help me to pick up what you want me to carry today and leave everything my flesh wants.” 

Set aside everything of you and  see how Love needs to be displayed to those around you. 

Pursue the hard relationship. 

Be present. Don’t focus on the past or the future. Fight to be present in the moment.

Fight to keep the “yes” in your spirit. Don’t let burn out or complacency affect you. Keep stepping g out of your comfort zone.

Put the great commandment over the great commission. The commission will naturally flow from the commandment. 

Get a word from the Lord about what He calls you everyday, then ask Him to SHOW you throughout the day what that looks like. 

Let yourself struggle with God. Being honest with Him gives Him the chance to speak into it. Be raw.

Learn how to love the unlovable. 

Don’t take your time for granted. Cherish the time you have with the people. Be intentional with your time with Jesus. 

Know that people have different levels of depth. Their deep and connected could be shallower than yours, but meet them where they are and love them for who they are. 

Fear is a manipulative emotion that forces us to live a boring life. 

We call it earth but God calls it a big neighborhood. 

The World Race is a privilege not a sacrifice.

Oh how my soul longs to sing You a new song, but what word can embody all You are? You are ineffable and the human language cannot contain all You are. We have created words to describe Your character and Your heart. Holy, Awesome, Majestic, Wonderful, Bride-Groom, Jehovah Rapha, Healer, Comforter, Love, Agape, Humble, Selfless, Kind, Passionate, Adoring, Omniscient, Omnipresent, all powerful (omnipotent), Creator, Potter, Vine, Source, Giver, Father, Brother, Helper, Lighthouse, God Most High, You ARE the Great I AM because God You are everything. Everything sweet, true, pure, joyful, loving, righteous, good, kind. Thank You Father for all You have blessed me with, all You have given me. But more than that — You LONG to spend time with me. That’s all You want. My heart and my time. But it’s not something You demand, it’s something You gently ask for, then You woo us into loving You. I love the word “woo.” It’s an onomatopoeia. It’s a word that sounds like what it is. Wooing is gentle and sweet. It readies in for a kiss as the “oo” sound causes the puckering of lips “oh smother me with Your kisses divine.” Mericiful One — full of Grace. We separated ourselves and yet You pursued us until we became Yours. But even past that… You don’t leave us alone. You want a deeper relationship. How insane to think: Someone who has all the power of creation, wonder and glory craves to bring us close to His heart. You created us for no other purpose than to just love and Love You. But You didn’t make us robots instead you gifted us with free will even though You knew we would fall away and cause You such pain. How beautiful. 

You set so many patterns in life to teach us Your heart for us. Instead of collecting dust of the earth and breathing into us like You did Adam and Eve, You knit us together in our mother’s womb. You created us out of relationship for relationship. You set us up to be 3 just as You are 3: Father, Mother, Son You put Yourself in a context we could see, understand, and replicate. How generous You are. 

Years ago now, one of Your daughters gave me a wooden elephant and told me that is who she saw me in the spirit. Out of the plethora of attributes she could have chosen to connect to me, she said, “You have Elephant ears. They have an incredible ability to flick a part of their large ear and tune into sounds from far away. Just as you have the ability to easily tune in and hear the Father’s voice.” 

I don’t think I ever realized how beautiful a gift that is. I abused it I know. I purposely put my brain on a static channel or switch it off completely. Forgive me. I know I do it out of fear. Lead me to Your heart in this. I don’t want it (the fear) anymore. I want to stay constantly tuned into You and Your heart for those around me. 

Though I sometimes wonder: do I have have elephant ears because You gifted them to me? Or simply because I believe I have them? And You are always speaking to me just as You are always speaking to all Your sons and daughters? 

I think it’s both. You gifted me with a direct word of truth. AND You are always speaking, longing to connect with us more than we want connection with You. What would my life look like if I learned of You outside the church? What if I met You on the street from someone who told me the simple truth about You? What if the Bible was new and I didn’t know the stories of Jonah, Job, Jacob, Joseph or Jesus? What if my first encounter with You was healing of my physical body followed by the encouragement to proclaim You my savior and the truth that You want to speak right to my heart directly in that moment? 

Would I be more on fire for You then? Would I love You more if I had that kind of “suddenly God” testimony? 

What if I had a self before I knew You? That I remember and knew was broken? 

What if I came to You with no box, no expectations, no pre-conceived notions, no lies? 

What would our relationship look like? If I could trust You without doubt or reservation? 

If I’m being honest, a part of me wishes that were more my story. But another part of me is grateful I never knew a day that I didn’t know I could run to You. I wouldn’t have made it past the age of 14. And here I am 27 and on the most incredible journey with You. Getting to meet the fruit of Your creation, the amazing people You place in their perfect place in the world to learn what they have to teach me, to connect to them to enter into the inner chambers of Your heart through getting to know them. 

Lord I feel as if I am back at the beginning as the cry of my heart is I HAVE NO WORDS. No words to describe how incredible You are, how deep You are, how good and faithful You are. Let me never lose my wonder of You. Let me never lose sight of You or grow complacent in living my day without You. 

My first week in Barbie’s Dream House….began as a nightmare.

This month we are at Mi Casa, a orphanage that is more family than orphanage. From the moment we walked in, the kids were excited to see us and get to know us. There are 15 boys and 17 girls in two separate houses. 

Walking into the girl’s house was like walking onto a Barbie studio set. The whole house is painted various shade of pink. There are two beautiful balconies. And the walls on the inside are painted with murals. In the dining room Flamingos dance among palm leaves and purple vine flowers. Motivational crests adorn the bedrooms and pink comforters drape over the plush couches. 

The yard is in the front of the gated property and it houses a fort with swings. 

It’s a little girl’s dream. 

I’m not going to lie. The first few days were hard for me. We are sleeping in the living room of the house and as such, we don’t put our sleeping stuff out until the girls go to bed and the first day the youngest girl (she’s 4 and absolutely precious) woke me up trying to catch the kitten.

I felt like I was floundering.

There were no boundaries.

Ministry seemed as if it would be 24/7 no escape.

I felt a lack in myself, my ability, and my energy and began to panic. 

At the behest of the director we were in an internet “black out” so that we would focus on getting to know the kids. I felt isolated and like I was spinning out with no way of stopping. 

BUT GOD. 

He always knows what I need in the moment, I just have to look to see where it is. 

This time it came in the form of my team. They fought for me. They allowed me to feel it all and didn’t make me feel guilty or condemned. 

They helped me find avenues to help ground me. (Mainly we have scheduled times to spend with God in the mornings but we also have freedom to go to a park for an hour or so when needed – in pairs of course). 

I made a goal for myself to connect with just one kid a day to keep myself from getting overwhelmed. But God in His goodness connected my heart with so many of them so quickly. 

The language barrier is not a wall like I feared it would be. We understand each other. 70% of communication is tone and body language. But I’m getting to know the kids 100%

Y’all I can feel it! This will be the best month yet, and probably the hardest goodbye…

His smile grew faster than mine. Within minutes of knowing me he was tapping me on one shoulder and quickly stepping the opposite direction to feign innocence. When you are around him, you can’t help but laugh. 

I speak very little Spanish, and him even less English but communication doesn’t seem to be a problem. He’s always playful and wants to interact. 

Only he could get me to play fütbol (soccer) for 2 hours. I am not a sporty person at all, but it was a blast. He definitely let me get a few goals in. The final score was 21 to 4 (can you guess which was mine?). 

Every other high-five he offers is slickly turned into a handphone before contact. And every greeting is accompanied by a fake “mirrar” (look), just so he can laugh at my gullibility. 

I fell in love with this kid before I heard his story. How beautiful his smile, how comfortable and safe he is. 

I could never guess the darkness in his past. 

Mi Casa has done an amazing job with the kids whose families failed to show the care and protection they were created to provide. There’s no better name for this ministry than “My house”. Each child certainly feels at home here. They are so confident in the love, protection and care that they provide here. 

It’s a blessing to see them and know them as who they are, instead of who they’ve been. And I’m so glad I got to know them before I heard their stories. 

I learned a profound lesson from my teammate Lauren. As we were processing through the heaviness that is the kids’ past as a team, Lauren said “I want to do extra for them now that I know. But how crazy is that? We should be giving them extra before we find out their story. Their stories shouldn’t spur us to more action, we should be doing that in the first place.” 

What an amazing life lesson! 

Treat everyone as if they deserve all the love. Because they do. 

There is a way you can send love to my new buddy Raul. This is his first year going to private school! Due to the situation in his life prior to Mi Casa, he fell very far behind in school. 

He’s worked incredibly hard. 

On our first day here, he had just earned his 4th grade diploma! 

For the kids to go to a safe school here in El Salvador it costs $80 a month. 

You can use the link below to give a one-time, just-in-time-for-Christmas donation, or you can give a monthly pledge that will automatically occur! 

If you want to hear his story, I’d be glad to share it via Email – Sarah.ann.1687@gmail.com – subject line: Raul’s Story. 

I encourage you to consider loving him extra for who he is now, because he is a blessing! 

Also, if for any reason you would like to post a link on Facebook please use the more general education link which is https://secure.qgiv.com/for/givtueedu

Raul’s situation is such that his name or picture cannot be put on social media for his personal safety. Thank you!! 

How incredibly blessed I was. My family this month was extended by 8 “tias y tios” and 28 amazing kids. 

Christmas in El Salvador was different, Christmas music was in Spanish and had different tunes (when we heard it). Instead of going to sleep early so Santa could come, we all stayed up till 1 almost 2am. And instead of the 25th being the big day for presents it was the 24th. Jesus’s birthday was truly the focus. 

There was a lot of America in this Christmas too. Orange Julius Pancakes with cheesy eggs and bacon was our special breakfast. I spent almost all day in the kitchen cooking the turkey, stuffing, and gravy for 40-something people. 

The kids had two reactions to the presents. The boys opened theirs before dinner and it was a mad-house of excitement and flying paper. 

The girls did it differently. Opening theirs after dinner, they had two people announcing who the gift was for (in silly and playful ways), then everyone would cheer as the person would get the gift, go in the middle of the circle and open it. The girls would cheer again for whatever the gift turned out to be. 

What a beautiful picture of the body of Christ. Everyone celebrating the person and then celebrating their gift. There was no jealousy, no tug of war, no pouting. Just pure unadulterated joy. 

It definitely showed a picture of what Jesus was born to bring to earth. 

After presents we cleaned up and played for a few hours before the fireworks started going off. 

I love how loudly the Salvadorans celebrate. They don’t stay silent but rather scream with the fireworks as they run around finding the best view. 

Once again, I feel Jesus saying this is how we should celebrate Him! Screaming to the rooftops all He has done. No fear, no hesitation, no limit to our volume except our own vocal capabilities. 

My team and I still celebrated Christmas on the 25th by waking up to stockings and presents on the dresser with Christmas lights (though we slept in a little as we didn’t get to bed until almost 2am), talking to family on FaceTime, and exchanging Secret Santa gifts under the trees at the mall. 

It was special and beautiful and more than I ever could have asked for in a holiday. 

Thank you for all of you who helped make it possible for me to be here. Your prayers and generous donations are much appreciated! 

I love you all and Merry Christmas! 

2018 was my year of New Beginnings. My year of being an Otter. Otters transition fluidly from the land to the water. They live on both comfortably. They are so much stronger than they look. Their tails are so heavy and can hurt if they wack it against you. They are so curious. But my favorite thing about them is they hold hands when they sleep in water so they don’t drift. 

This year has been amazing for me. I went from working for an amazing financial planner, to working for a phenomenal international non-profit dedicated to inner-healing by bringing people to Jesus directly, to launching on the World Race. Every month of my life this past year looked so different. And yet every month felt like it was a fulfillment of dreams. 

I have grown so much. Knowing more about myself and how I handle different situations. God has blessed me with wonderful community back home in Tally (shout out to my fam, friends and Capital City Church), across the nation (with besties in NE, AR and NC), on the world race (P-Squad! And Team Surrendered), and now in three different countries: Nazarene Church in Independence Belize, Hope at Hand in Honduras and Mi Casa in El Salvador. I’m surrounded by people who see, know, and love me and who call me higher. 

I am excited for the upcoming year. I got one word on my Birthday (Dec 3rd when I was made into a cake). That word is LOVE. But as I was praying and processing today. The last day of 2019, I got another set of words: Fearless Faith. 

I don’t know what I’m walking into come 2019 but I do know that perfect love casts out fear. If I begin with love I can walk in fearless faith. 

Thank you to all who have loved me so well this year! I pray 2019 will be your best year yet! Please feel free to comment or email me anytime if you have any prayer requests or need encouragement! One of my goals this year is to love people better and that means being more intentional during my prayer time for others! 

Love well and live fearlessly. 

P.S. New Years looks very similar here in El Salvador as it does in the states. We shot off fireworks in a park (which was crazy because the park was closed but the guard called his boss and they made an exception for the 30 of us). They weren’t the little ones either. They went high in the sky and the boys had a blast teaching me how to light them. And I’m ending this post because we are about to sing Karaoke with the girls.  

Are You Ready For This? 

That’s the question on my mind for this upcoming month! 

It’s ATL month for Team Surrendered. ATL stands for Ask The Lord. What does it mean? 

We will not have a host to tell us where the best food is, what part of town to avoid, or  how to pronounce “where is the bathroom?” in Vietnamese.

We won’t have a set ministry or schedule. 2 reasons for this: 1. We want to be sensitive to the Lord’s leading and it won’t always be 9-5… 2. It’s technically illegal to minister in Vietnam. It’s considered a closed country which means we cannot openly evangelize or talk about God/Jesus/missions/ministry/etc.

BUT GOD! 

We WILL HAVE the Creator of the universe, King of kings and Lord of lords with us. Leading us and guiding us to His divine appointments. 

We WILL HAVE passwords to protect our blogs for the month of Jan (and some of Feb) you will need to type in Psquad2019 to be able to see or access my blog. (If you forget it just email me or Facebook message me!) 

We WILL HAVE internet to help us find good hostels, good food, and good places to pretend to be “only tourists.” 

I’m ready for this! Are you? 

PS Some fun facts about Vietnam:

People Groups: 118

Unreached: 67 (57%)

Largest Religion: Buddhism (52%)

Common Courtesy:

•greetings: joining hands and bowing. Some places a hand shake. Avoid physical interaction with seniors or military. 

•do not sit with your feet pointing towards anyone. 

•do not sit until until shown where to sit.

•do not touch or pass anything over someone’s head – this is a serious one! 

•do not point at someone with your index finger or use it to summon someone – you should use your entire hand in the downward position. 

•do not wink or pat someone’s back – it will come off sexual. 

•take your shoes off before entering someone’s home.  

Crime:

•level listed as ‘High.’ Use extra vigilance and common sense in populated areas and you should be fine. 

•don’t make yourself an expensive looking target. 

•theft, pick pocketing, robbery at ATMs seem to be the most common crimes towards foreigners. Just be aware!

Health:

•air pollution and smog are very common in most cities- consider a scarf or mask to cover your nose and mouth when necessary 

•Malaria – only found in rural regions. No malaria in: Da Nang, Haiphong, Hanoi, Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon), Nha Trang, and Qui Nhon 

You make a place for me.

I always thought that phrase referred to heaven. But I’m realizing heaven is touching earth everyday. 

I’m sitting (well laying) on the second sleeper bus. And my heart knew God had made a place for me…. 

Sleeper buses are different in every country. Most are tailor made for the average height of the country. Vietnam’s is 5’5”. I’m 5’ 10”. 

The busses have these metal foot caves that become the bed in front of them’s head rest (Yes a metal head rest).

You technically buy a specific bed on the bus. But they don’t pay attention and they just want you to “get on, get on”. 

The first bus I went to the very back looking for the number on my ticket and I ended up on the furthest-back middle bottom bunk. At first I was a little miffed about it cause people’s big backpacks had been tossed in a pile on one side. 

But as I settle myself in, I realized how blessed I was. 

In being the furthest back I had no metal headrest. It was just a lightly raised pad all the way back. In being in the middle I could sleep on my back and on both sides (which when you are laying down for the majority of the 23.5 hours you are on the bus is a blessing). The packs ended up being great as I could throw a leg over and help change up my blood flow. They also supported my back and stopped the metal railing from digging into my back. Being on the bottom bunk meant that I could sleep with my arms over my bags (which wasn’t as much of a big deal as our people made up the majority of the bus but still I like to practice safe habits). 

The first bus had a padlock on the bathroom door. At first that seemed like a bad thing. But it saved me from having a porter potty 2 feet from my head for the 23 hours…

We were able to fit most of our big packs (including mine) underneath the bus. At first I was grateful. But then when we stopped (every 5-6 hours for either food or bathrooms) the drivers would open the undercarriage and shift boxes around. I become paranoid that my pack would be unloaded and left without my knowledge

So this second bus I was prepared for the 16 hour ride! I knew where I wanted to sleep and how I would do it. 

The first thing the guy tells (well motions) me is to take my big pack on the bus. Thank you God for removing the source of my paranoia. 

The second is the back of the bus is PACKED, you can’t get to the last beds. Boxes fill both beds and aisles. There is not a single middle bed open. Only side ones. My heart began to break. 

BUT GOD! 

He prepared a place for me just as He had on the first bus. But this place was new. The landscape was old and I wanted to use my wisdom to navigate it. But God’s thoughts are higher than ours. 

The bathroom on this bus works – great for emergencies, terrible for nausea. But my head isn’t 2 feet away. 

The middle bed to the lower side of me is packed with boxes and bags. By sliding my head down to the soft part of the pad I can throw my legs over the thin boxes in the isle and my feet fit perfectly in an alcove between backpacks. If someone were laying there I wouldn’t be able to stretch out and have a soft place to rest my head.

I still have the added support space of the floor and boxes by being on a bottom bunk. 

You make a place for me! You bless me so much in these travels. I could write another saga about Your provision regarding the 4 flights that preceded these 2 bus rides. I know it could be so much worse. Even on a different place on this bus it could be worse. 

But He provides. 

It may not look like a blessing at first. It may still not be the comfort level we are used to. It might be missed at first because it wasn’t even something you thought to pray about. 

BUT GOD! 

He goes before us. He prepares a place for us. He tells us not to worry because He has placed provision for us even in our darkest moments (y’all when they put that rooster under the bus right beneath me, I about had a cow…). He tells us be strong and courageous because He has gone before us and He knows where we will struggle and what will be difficult and He is ALREADY doing something about it! 

Goodness and Mercy follow us all the days of our life. Have you paused lately so they can catch up? 

uong nuoc nho nguon

Drink Water Remember Source

This is a Vietnamese proverb. But it’s so much more than that. 

We met a woman today who has lived in Vietnam for 8 years. She shared with us her passion for digging into the idioms and proverbs of a country. 

The meaning behind them reveals the deep rooted belief of the culture. 

Think of all the American ones we use… most place emphasis on efficiency, performance, or value, as those are the things our culture values and it is the driving heart of our daily lives.

This particular proverb represents the deeper cultural value of worshipping ancestors and viewing the past is all that is before us and the future is all that is behind us. 

As they do a daily task — one that keeps them alive and is necessary for survival —remember those who came before you for without them you would not exist.

Never forget that you are here because your parents and theirs before them made a sacrifice of their own life to bring you into the world. Honor that sacrifice. Honor them. 

Their word for ‘remember’ also is their word for ‘miss.’ I find this beautiful. For what does it mean to miss someone if not to remember them? 

I found myself remembering my grandfathers yesterday. I missed them beyond belief. I include my great-grandfather in this as I was blessed to have known him. 

As I drink water today, I remember the source. 

My ultimate source is God. The God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob. 

But my earthly sources have made lasting impacts on me. 

From GreatGrandpa Turner I got my love of blueberry pancakes, my excitement for conversations where people share with me their passions, and making family a priority in life. 

From Grandpop I got a passion for learning and international education, my love of reading while curled up on a comfy chair, and my love of ice cream and laughter. 

From Granddaddy Jimmy I got my love of cultures and travel, my commitment to animated story-telling, and my enjoyment of history.

From Grandpa Wesley I got my need for speed, my introverted spirit that loves connection, and my willingness to try new crazy things. 

These four amazing men taught me more than I could write in a single post. And nho (remembering/missing) them is always accompanied by a laugh and tears or a watery smile. I thank God I got the chance to be loved by them and that I have memories to look back on. 

For one of my favorite American Idioms is “It’s better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.” 

It doesn’t look like soft blankets and a bed. It doesn’t look like hot showers in a clean bathroom.

It doesn’t look like 3 square meals that fill you to the brim. It doesn’t look like constant laughter among friends. 

Comfort on the World Race isn’t worldly comfort. 

It’s comfort in knowing God will provide. It’s in knowing that your community, your team, will fight FOR you whether this looks like telling you the tough stuff and the blindspots about your behavior or if it means being your buddy and walking to the park so you can break down away from the ministry site. 

It’s comfort knowing that while the food may not fill your belly, it’s more than others who are in the same city as you got that day and that maybe, just maybe, God will place one of them in your path so you can give them more and share about Him. 

It’s not comfort in the sense of “I feel safe.” It’s comfort in knowing I have God surrounding me and angels assigned to me. 

It’s not always comfortable to talk to a stranger, but then they smile. 

I used to tell people I am a creature of comfort. I love soft fabrics, fluffy chairs, and my own personal and private space.

I might find those things occasionally along the race and it brings momentary happiness. But I am a creature of True Comfort. I love the Presence of God, the leading of the Holy Spirit, and the God-centered community I’m living in! 

Where are you finding your comfort? 

I encourage you to take a few minutes and meditate on the song The Voyage by Amanda Cook: https://youtu.be/Jd3vuxpMKUM

It was a year ago today that I saw my last living grandfather for the last time. I didn’t know it was going to be the last time in the moment. But I believe God did, because we left nothing unsaid. 

I wrote this to help process the renewed grief that hit my heart with the memory. 

It comes in waves. 

Waves of being able to breathe without conscious thought. 

Waves of screaming till your lungs have expelled every air particle. 

Waves of your throat being burdened with bricks that not a sound can pass through. 

Waves of tears flowing freely during a moment of happiness because your subconscious mind knows he’s not there. 

Waves of hope when you feel stable and balanced. 

Waves of “Why?” Chasing anger throughout your mind. 

Waves of normal days. 

Waves of days you have to keep focusing on breathing through to the next minute. 

Grief is a funny thing. 

For me, it’s not being sad for the person. After all, they are in paradise and they are home forever more. 

Grief has the same limit that love does – none. 

For grief is the mourning of the minutes our love is away. It’s the flip side of the same coin. 

Grief can steal your breath and convince you the silence in your ear equates to loneliness.

But it’s beautiful. 

It’s the last action of love we can give here on earth. 

I draw my comfort from the Comforter. He is near to the broken-hearted. 

No one has experienced loss like Him. And yet no one puts aside His own heart to cuddle us close to His chest. 

He doesn’t ask us to shoulder His emotions in the midst of our pain like other people do. 

The constant offers of “let me know if you need anything,” weigh heavy. 

Ask for gift cards and take out coupons. For the days when you can’t get up the gumption to cook. Or drive.

It helps because they feel like they’ve done something and you’ll have a reserve for the days when your tank is dry. 

“How are you?” Is a question that grates. 

‘Thank you for your kind thoughts, I’m not okay and it will be a while till I am. I’m not ready to talk.’ 

Writing letters to him helps. 

For the days when it seems like it was only a bad dream. 

For days when it’s seems more real than the clothes on your skin. 

For the days of milestones and celebrations. 

For the days of mundane tasks and nothing special. 

Feel the wave when it comes. Write about it. Scream about it. Cry about it. Talk about it. Paint about it. Pray about it. Process it. But don’t wallow in it.

Give yourself grace as you learn what grief looks like for you. It’s different for everyone. 

Don’t let others put their experience on you. 

Try it all. 

If it doesn’t work, let it go. 

If it does, use it.

But grief is all a wave. A wave of goodbye to the ones we love from earth to heaven. Till we join them again….

Come Away with Me

This is a phrase that has been lingering over me for a while. When I feel a separation from the people and things of this world, “come away with Me” is whispered to my heart. 

I read Song of Songs today in my Passion Translation (HIGHLY recommend) and that is the very thing the Bridegroom-King asks of his Shulamite. Over and over he praises her beauty and perfection, calling her to come with him. But he warns others to not disturb her before she is ready. 

That is so how God treats each of us, calling us higher, calling us to Him but gently. 

I struggle coming away with Him sometimes. So much gets in the way. 

I allow so many things to get in the way.

He is constantly clearing my path to spend time with me. I am constantly cluttering it back up. 

This month has been a particular struggle of coming away with Him. I feel bogged down in a mire. 

The chants of my past tell me if I come to Him now all I will receive is correction and discipline. I haven’t been “good enough” this month. I’ve used my time poorly. I’ve fallen into old coping habits. I’ve chosen to mentally de-rail myself. 

But the beat of His heart is the opposite. 

I asked God 

Lord what do you want to do today?

Connect with you. 

No! *Pause* Jesus why is my heart so hard?

You’re scared. Scared about what it means to be close to me. Scared what I will say and do about your behavior lately. Scared about what I would tell you to do. 

But Beloved, I could not love you more right now if you were perfect. And I would not love you less if you were more of a mess. 

My love is not dependent on you or your behavior. 

My love for you is simply my love for you. I want the best for you. 

Come away with me my love. Let me speak to your heart as you cry out. 

Day one of four on a bus again (I kid you not even the locals think we are insane. Our hostel manager kept trying to correct us by saying airport and train station. He thought we were just using the wrong word….) 

I started the bus ride off right. Catching up with Ré and processing out this month. After a few hours we each switched to being entertained by our phones. Netflix has this glorious feature where you can download tv shows and movies for the times when WiFi doesn’t exist – bless up! 

After I read half a book I decided to watch a movie I had previously downloaded. 

This is the part you can’t judge okay? (Well you can just don’t tell me you did…) 

Growing up I was just a smidge too old when Hannah Montana came out. But thankfully I have a younger sister and so I had a good excuse to watch it. The first couple episodes I was not a fan but like most people ended up loving it. Netflix (Well the Vietnamese-license-version) has Hannah Montana the Movie available for download. 

It’s fun and lighthearted and reminds me of my little sister and I hadn’t seen it in forever so I chose to watch it. 

It hit harder than I thought. 

The premise of the movie is Miley (who has a stage persona of Hannah Montana so she can have a normal life as Miley but still live her dreams of singing) loses sight of the important things in her life. She gets caught up in the materialistic glory of being a celebrity and risks hurting the relationships in her life. (I won’t tell you more cause I hate spoilers). 

She writes a song called “The Climb” 

The chorus goes “there’s always gonna be another mountain, I’m always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle and sometimes I’m gonna have to lose. It ain’t about how fast I get there, it ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side. It’s the climb.” 

If that isn’t the story of life I don’t know what is. This race has been full of mountains. Challenges I just want God to speak to and move. But He climbs them with me. He fights the uphill battle by my side – and let’s be honest the last two months, He’s been the one carrying me up the hill. 

I’ve lost this month. And I don’t mean it’s been a waste or a blackout. I mean that this month I lost my intentionality. I fell down on the job because I put others ahead of my own personal needs for so long that I crashed. It was my fear honestly. I have a fear of failure and a fear of success. Both stem from the fact that I view my worth in my own performance. If I fail then I’ve disappointed or let down those I love. If I succeed then I have more responsibility and more resting on my shoulders that one day might drop when I can’t stand beneath the weight anymore. 

My mentor Madie shared with me an article about Failure in Christianity. In it the author wrote “God’s will for our lives can include failure. In other words, God’s will may be that you fail, and He may lead you into failure!” 

What is that?!? God wants me to fail? He wants me to lose? He goes on to say “True success lies in the realm of the spiritual, or to be more specific, lies in getting to know God better.” 

My definition of failure and success is fundamentally wrong. I base it on job status, report cards, bank account levels, or hours of volunteer work. In short – performance. But how I should define success is “Did I get to know my Father, Brother, Best Friend, Lover better today? Did I see who was on His heart and show them He sees them? Did I obey His voice? Did I invite Him into the conversation? Or did I hide Him?” 

This month I lost. I accomplished the goals set before me by leadership. But I didn’t spend time daily with my Jesus. We didn’t go on a date. I shut Him out when He tried to heal me. 

I got so focused on my pace. Getting to the goal I forgot that the ultimate prize isn’t about getting to the other side. But climbing with Him. 

So thank you God for putting me on a 36 hour bus tour instead of a 2 hour flight. Thank you for using my Netflix addiction for your glory. Thank you for old Disney channel and memories with my amazing little sister. Thank you for speaking to me through song like you often do and reminding me what this race is about. 

link to the failure article: https://www.reasonablefaith.org/writings/popular-writings/practical-issues/failure/

There is so much I took away from being part of Team Surrendered. We laughed, cried, celebrated the major holidays together, fought for each other, and handled differences of opinions with more grace than I think we give ourselves credit for. 

It’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that while we will still see each other at least once or twice a month for the remainder of the race, it will no longer be a daily walk. 

In trying to think through how I could best say goodbye I was reminded of when we were asked a few weeks ago “How do you see the image of God in each of your teammates?” 

I see God’s passion in Bonnie. She celebrates the little things that make her happy! She also has such a heart and a hunger for history and God is a God of remembrance. He sees people in terms of multiple generations as well as individuals. It’s part of the reason we say “the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob”. They are individuals that make up a period of time that is longer than one generation. We enter His gates through thanksgiving and praise (thanking Him for all He has done and praising Him for Who He is is dependent upon remembering history!) 

As small and maybe funny as it is I see Jillian’s love for mini things so reflective of God. If you think about it we are tiny tiny images of Him. But even more than that He makes us even Tinier when we are born! He made ants and amebas! It’s like He was trying to challenge Himself.

But in all seriousness I think she most aptly displays His passion for the lost. She does not lack boldness. She has a fire in her that spurs her to push herself and others towards the ”more” of God. That’s why I think she is so future-minded. She knows great things are coming and she wants to be prepared for them. She asked me once “if you could create the perfect job for me, what would it look like?” I think she was born to be a shepherd of people. Evangelists are fishers of men. But shepherds of people are those who receive the men from evangelists. They are the ones who teach and love and pursue the new believers, or those who lose the meaning of what it means to be a Child of God. 

God’s heart is revealed so clearly in Kaitlin. When she loves you, she loves big and deep. And it’s not big in a flashy sense, it’s a constant and gentle presence that shows up in the quiet moments and in the little details. She also experiences His broken heart in such a beautiful and strong way. When she sees injustice, when she hears of the pain and hurt in the world she is driven to act and to do what she can. She fights for those that have no voice, be it human or animal. She stands in the gap to call attention to them. Her voice is bold and clear and cleansed by the Spirit. She follows in the footsteps of Jesus by being intentional with her time with God. She pulls herself away when she needs to and spends that time with Him. She intercedes on other’s behalves (I don’t know if that’s a word but I’ll go with it) and reaches for the Spirit’s words before her own. She allows herself to feel the Joy and the Pain of the Heart of God but most of all she pursues relationship with God in the most humblest of ways. 

Lauren has the faithfulness of God in spades. I can’t tell you how many times she spent hours in prayer just waiting and wanting to hear from Him. Even when the response was silence, she still spoke positively about it, sure that He will speak one day. I see in her a stamina and a perseverance to go after God and the plans of God even when the results aren’t the ones she is expecting. Hers is the faith of a mustard seed that will move the mountains…. 

The first thing that came to mind about Martha is that she carries God’s wisdom. This probably came to mind first because relationally this is how I view her. We are always getting into good conversations that are full of life advice. But in further reflection she mirrors His gentleness towards children. I’m reminded of the scripture when the disciples stopped the kids from coming to Jesus but He in turn said “let them come!” The children recognized a spirit within Jesus that signaled to them He is safe and fun! Why else would they be running to Him? Martha exudes that same current. By the night of the first day we were in Mi Casa, the kids were climbing all over her! They see Jesus in her and run!

I will miss the women who have become as dear to me as my own family. But I know God has us each in the perfect new team to help us grow more like Him. 

To those who traveled and surrendered all with me these last 4 months. 

Team changes came and while it was hard saying goodbye to Team Surrendered, it was also a beautiful transition. 

My new team is wonderful! When we prayed about the heart of the team we got words like empowerment, laughter, light, sonship. So we became Team SONshine!! 

We prayed over each other the last day of debrief and God honored me with visions for each of them and what giftings they have! 

Hannah, our team leader exudes quiet joy in every big and small thing she does. A simple smile from her can light up the darkest of nights. She is a beautiful paper lantern, cut with the experiences of her past. In the places she felt the most emptied are the places through which she shines the brightest! 

Michelle, our treasurer and a real treasure to the team, carries gentle strength. She is like a river stream – calm but underneath rushes a strong moving current. She changes the landscape around her.

Meagan, our storyteller, is a gorgeous Conch shell. She echoes the ocean of grace. Beautiful inside and out, she carries the sound of freedom and of a vast and deep love. No matter how far she travels, she takes the air around her and gives voice to the Father’s heart. 

Becca, our Beauty for Ashes coordinator, was visualized as a dandelion flower. She is beautiful and engaging. She makes people pause and discover their dreams. She then sends her seeds of hope and wonder across the waves of the air to reach new places and new heights without obstacles. 

Jillian, our Party Planning Committee member (you might recognize her from Team Surrendered), flew in as a dove! A dove of beauty restored and taking flight to show the glory of God. They glide and while they are technically classified as pigeons, they are unique and have a new name simply because they are white instead of grey. Doves in scripture often represent transformation and the Holy Spirit. 

God also gifted me a vision of myself. I was a large solid rock that was firmly planted in the ground and although my outside was plain, I was in actuality a geode. I had a beautiful and layered thick shell that opened into a heart of crystals in the center void. 

I’m so excited to walk into this next season of SONshine. 

Our ministry for the month is working with Victory church and while some days we are doing various events for the church we will mainly be focusing on their village outreach ministry! 

Please pray for clear communication, bonding with this new team, energy and hydration in this heat (it’s like a Florida summer y’all and we don’t have AC), protection from bugs bites, Malaria and Dengue fever in particular. 

This debrief’s theme was FOCUS: Remembrance, Reflection, Perspective and Empowerment. 

How appropriate as we say goodbye to our old teams and reflect on the last 4 months then step into a fresh team with new perspective and a sense of empowerment. (Leadership really knows what they are doing….) 

As I was meditating (Soultime app is amazing and you should check it out), a song was suggested.

Be Thou My Vision. 

It’s one of my favorite Hymns and in the meditation app, the Celtic spin on the old hymn elongated the words in a way that prompted me to truly take it in. 

I looked up the lyrics online anyways.

As I listened to the song a second time, parts stood out to me. 

“Be thou my vision” God show me your perspective, let me see things from your eyes, be the one that consumes the space in front of my eyes. All three meanings can come from that one phrase. 

“Thou my best thought, by day or by night” I broke on the first day of debrief. God allowed in His wisdom what His power could have prevented. I spent an entire day having no words, wanting no interaction – physical, verbal, or emotional – from any person, and crying. I released so much in tears that day to God. But I couldn’t sense His voice. 

“I ever with thee and thou with me, Lord” But I knew He was there. 

“Thou my great Father and I thy true son” He provided for me what I needed: an activity next to a couple of wonderful squad mates, that led to a slow opening of words, that flowed into a conversation with loving leadership, that sparked an ask, that received a positive answer, that showed God’s provision in the pain, that facilitated an inner healing session with Jesus that uprooted a deep tree of dark fruit. 

“My treasure Thou art” 

I experienced one of the deepest inner healings with Jesus that night. The true treasure was Jesus Himself and the gentleness He showed to my shattered self. 

“Heart of my own heart, whatever befall.” 

When we become His, and He becomes ours at the moment of salvation, our hearts mend. When we experience pain, He does. When His heart breaks for someone, we feel it too. When we are consumed with joy, He gets caught up in it as well. When He sings over us and celebrates, our hearts react. Our walk with Him slowly syncs our heartbeats till the valves open and close at the same time. 

I just let that sink in as I sang it a few times. 

“Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, Still be my vision, oh Ruler of All.”

Ministry this month hasn’t been simply 8 hours a day. Cambodia is full of opportunities. Every time I go to the market, or get in a tuk tuk, or step outside my room at overflow – there’s opportunity. 

This month has been beautiful. Our official ministry is with Victory Church. We have been with Pastor Sam most days, teaching English to kids in the village and finding random pockets of time to pray with women or have Bible study. On the weekends we stay in Siem Reap and clean the church then facepaint in the park to invite people to the church to build relationship. Sunday services are a time of wonderful worship and I shared my testimony in the Khmer service last week. 

I feel the Holy Spirit here in a way I haven’t felt in a long time. I don’t know if it’s because I reached my breaking point the first day I woke up in Cambodia, or if it’s because He’s so excited to meet the people here, or if the “Yes” in my spirit has become more genuine, but regardless, He’s shown up a lot. 

We’ve shared testimonies, Bible stories, scriptures and revelations. We’ve washed lice-infested hair. We’ve walked various lengths of the village to pray for the people. We sat in a house that was just built and dedicated it to the Lord even as a shrine with offerings rested in the corner. We’ve played soccer with kids. We’ve climbed palm trees and tried palm juice and the local iced tea. We’ve cooked lunch over a fire. We’ve learned grammar rules in English that we never realized before (the perks of being a native English speaker is you can just hear when something is wrong, but you can’t always explain it…). We’ve let kids color our nails (and then arms) with crayon because colored pencils didn’t work and markers dry out too fast here. We’ve had mini bible studies with the women of the village in their home. We’ve spent hours in a Tuk Tuk on bumpy dirt roads. We’ve laughed and loved harder than I ever have before. 

I don’t know if I’ve talked about hard goodbyes before. But it’s something I’ve decided to fight for. Because easy goodbyes mean I didn’t invest my heart. The hard ones mean I pursued them like God pursues me. 

This month will be a hard goodbye. I have 5 days of ministry left and my heart is already shattering. 

But as I said, Cambodia has had more opportunities than those I mentioned above. 

I’ve befriended my Starbucks barista Fish (not his real name but they all have simple name tags and he loves to watch fish swim). I’ve laughed with a nurse who thought I’d be taller than I am (side note I did get salmonellosis typhoid, but I’m recovering well). I’ve smiled at kids on motorbikes and on the streets from the tuk tuk. I’ve supported the adults who are working to make a living despite the world’s label of “disabled.” 

The last one is what sparked this blog. On my rest day, sitting in a Starbucks (yes it’s for comfort but also WiFi and Fish), a man sat next to me. He can’t hear and doesn’t speak, but he creates. He had a multitude of the finger rings that attach to the backs of phones. All of them featured lucky cats except one. One wasn’t as movable or flexible as the rest. It was dingy, silver and black. A stark contrast to the sea of white, clean and colorful cats. It simply had a scratched panda head and the word LOVE. I knew it was meant for me. 

Cambodia is the land of lucky cats. Those who believe in luck, praying to Vishnu, Buddha, ancestors, karma, luck. But I believe in a God of love, comfort, gentleness. And though I’ve been tired a lot lately (and wish I could sleep as much as a panda does…) Love wins. 

Today my whole team traveled to the village and washed the feet of the women there. Pastor Sam, a man who has quickly became a great friend and brother, told them about the story in the Bible in John 13 when Jesus washed the feet of His disciples. 

I didn’t go. 

My heart has been heavy lately. And it’s not simply one thing, it’s the build of it all. Like when you walk in the village, the dryness around you and every fall of your foot causes miniature sandstorms and the dust layers on your feet.

It’s not something you look for, and it’s not something you think to avoid because it’s not something you focus on. It’s just what happens as you teach, travel and testify. 

My spiritual feet were dirty when I woke up this morning. And I related a lot to Peter who first struggled with the idea of Jesus stopping so low to serve me – after all, I was supposed to serve others with Him today! And I related a lot to Peter when Jesus said “if you don’t allow me to wash your feet then you will not be able to share life with me.” 

“Okay God! Wash my feet, wash my hands, wash my head…” I can picture God laughing like a Father does when His kid says something outrageous and funny. 

“But you’re already clean, you only need your feet washed.”

Jesus spent the day washing my feet. 

The whole day?!? Were my feet really that dirty? 

In a way, yes. Jesus didn’t NEED all day. But He wanted it. 

You see the spiritual washing of my feet came in the form of rest.

Rest is a particular concept I’ve been struggling with on the race. But when you are getting your feet washed all you can do is sit in relationship with the one who is doing the washing. 

That’s what I did today. 

Often the American culture preaches against rest: be productive, be efficient, busyness is a standard to be achieved. 

Or they glorify laziness: all I do is Netflix, social media, marathon TV shows and movies. 

Rest is this beautiful place that God created back in the Garden. After He spent 6 days crating the world and everything in it, He rested. Did you ever stop to think that man’s first full day alive on this earth was God’s rest day? 

We were created to rest with God. To enjoy relationship with Him. Eating with Him, laughing, interacting. And yes, man’s second full day in the world He worked -because we crave meaning in our lives – but God still walked with him in the cool of the day. 

God tried to remind us of this in the 10 commandments, the 4th commandment is REST. Keep the sabbath day holy. This doesn’t look like a bunch of rules, but it looks like simply enjoying the Father the first day of the week so we can work FROM rest instead of working to EARN rest. 

I’m still working through what this means for me. And I assure you if you want to know more, there are a ton of great resources out there on this topic. But today rest looked like meditation (Soultime app y’all, 10 stars), taking a nap, soaking in worship music, painting, listening to a podcast (I’ll post the link in the comments), and simply hanging out with Jesus in my imagination where He brought heaven to earth and we played and talked and rested while listening to the rain (cause I haven’t seen or heard rain in almost a month and I miss it and He knows that – Cambodia is in the dry season). 

“Your gift gives you your ability.

Your calling gives you your identity.

And your anointing gives you your purpose!”

I heard this on an instagram mini-sermon. He went on to say if you confuse the pairings it can lead to misdirection and unnecessary pain. 

I don’t know if any of you have discovered your spiritual gifts. (If you want to take an online test here’s a great link https://gifts.churchgrowth.org/spiritual-gifts-survey/). 

When I take the test I generally get Mercy, Shepard, Teacher, Administrator, and Encourager. Sometimes I don’t see it but I’ve been encouraged by the people around me that I have those giftings. 

My calling is to simply be a daughter of the Most High King. To follow His voice and become like Him. What does it take to be a daughter? Is it a title that is earned? Or one that requires promotion? Or is it something you simply are? 

I know my dad, my earthly one, would drive hours to see me because he did. He would move mountains for me because he has. He provides for me. He protects me. He encourages me to be bold and independent. But I know if I fall, he’s there to brush the dirt off. He lets me learn my lesson, but shows me love and grace through it all. He protects my heart in all the best ways. I have the confidence to take risks and live my dreams because I know he’s in my corner. 

My mom is amazing. When people say I’m like her, my heart grows warm because she is everything I’ve ever wanted to be. She’s kind, dedicated and determined. She was there for my sisters and me growing up and now. She has been my greatest teacher when it comes to forgiveness because she does it so well. She doesn’t back down when she knows what is right. And she loves the Lord with a passion that rivals the greats in the Bible. 

These are my parents. As their daughter I have the best of them within me. And I have them to lead me and guide me through life, because no one knows me better. 

It’s the same with God. I have the best of Him within me because I believe He rescued me. He took my place on the cross so that I could be reunited with Him. It was what He whispered to me as I grew up. He created me to be His daughter when He knit me together. It was why He did what He did over 2,000 years ago. All of it was because He thought of me and wanted me close. He invited me into His family and I said yes. 

I have the same confidence in God that I do my parents. He will be there for me. He will direct me. He will fight for me. He will love me without condition or measure. 

My anointing? I got a word from a stranger who quickly became a friend. I was worshiping in church in San Salvador and as we were sitting down, she turned around and told me my voice is anointed. 

It makes sense because the purpose of my life is to worship Him. My Father, my Creator, my God, my Savior. I had an amazing experience during a HeartSync session a few years ago. The Function part of my heart didn’t want to grow up because she didn’t know what she was supposed to be. Jesus gave her a dress that resembled a worship flag. Long, flowy and iridescent pearl with blue, pink and purple shine. The dress matched the ballet shoes I had painted earlier that year. 

I don’t know what my future will look like. Or where I will be come this time next year. But I know this. I am able because I am His and I will worship Him through it all. 

So I’m starting a new series! Tailored Testimonies! In each country the people seem to struggle with a different aspect of following Christ. 

In Cambodia it is seeing the exclusive relationship God wants. They are so rooted in Buddhism that there are daily habits they don’t see as religion but simply life. They categorize Christianity as a religion. But I think it’s more! 

I grew up in church. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t know Jesus as my Lord and Savior. But growing up I thought it was all about doing. 

Read and study the Bible 

Serve in the church

Be a good girl and follow the rules

When I turned 18 everything changed. I met someone who taught me that Jesus still speaks: intentionally, specifically and in so many ways. 

He wants to speak to everyone individually and have a relationship with them. 

My walk became more than religion. It became a relationship.

Jesus and I started going on dates. I would go to a park and think about questions. He would bring people who would tell me the answer or He would give me the answer directly. Sometimes the answer was instant and other times it was a day or a week later. But He always answered. 

My Jesus is gentle and He speaks in so many ways. Through feeling, through knowing, through nature, through His word, through visions, through smells, through colors. He uses anything and everything because He is in everything. 

He wants to speak to you more than you want to hear Him. And I learned His love isn’t based on our performance. He doesn’t love us more when we behave. He doesn’t love us less when we choose other things over Him. 

His love is constant and pursuing. He is never far away from us. He is just waiting for us to open our eyes and see him. 

If you want to learn more about how God speaks: read Acts, or reach out to me and I can direct you to some great resources (like Invitation to a Supernatural Life by Michelle Perry) or share my own personal testimonies. 

Pearls are most commonly found in oysters, but, occasionally, 1 out of every 12,000 clams contains a pearl. 

Growing up close to the beach and an oyster hub (shout out to Eastpoint, FL), I learned very early how pearls are formed. A single grain of sand gets into the shell and irritates the muscle so it costs it with a smooth translucent substance that hardens. It’s an effort to make the presence of the sand more palatable. But the longer the sand is in there (which is until a person opens the shell and takes it out…) the larger the pearl gets. Layer by layer, larger and larger. 

I spent a sabbath the other day, just enjoying the Trinity. We were in my imagination and just playing. Jesus and I were watercolor paining in our field, sitting cross legged and dabbing each other’s nose with liquid paint and laughing. We painted clams. I was just thinking that was so random when the Holy Spirit sat down in front of us and said it’s a panting of healing. 

“Clams are healing?”

“They represent the process of healing. You’ve been looking at it as an onion. Something you peel layers off of until it disappears. But your story will never disappear. Pain is like the grain of sand that slips inside the clam. When it affects your life, you add another layer of translucent beauty when you heal. It’s what creates your testimony. Your testimony is the pearl of wisdom that you offer the world.” 

The words sink deep into my heart.

Pain isn’t bad. Happiness isn’t good. Emotions aren’t something that need to be labeled as good and bad, just as we don’t need to identify as good or bad. Every emotion has a purpose! Every one. They help us figure out where we are in the moment. They point us to lean on God for where we need to go. 

Every “bad” emotion I’ve had has led me to an amazing encounter with God. Every “good” emotion I’ve had has led me deeper into God’s presence. 

Every emotion has a purpose and a place in the layers of the pearl that is my testimony.  

The longer I’m in this country, the more in love with it I fall. 

We are living and serving at ipaTirana Church this month. It’s a beautiful campus that has The Club (our kitchen and dining room) The Hub (a fun multipurpose room that has a coffee bar, four top tables, a semi-Circle of black couches and all the instruments you need for a band) and the Sanctuary. Half of us live in the library in a loft area above the sanctuary, the other half live in the adjacent room in the Hub. We have been blessed with beds this month, and we even have little space heaters to combat the cold nights! 

Our ministry focus is outreach to the high schoolers and young adults. Each day we either go out on the streets and simply find people to talk to and invite back to the coffee shop at the church or we go to a local school for the students to practice their English with us. 

I am a relationship-oriented person so this month is so good! 

Our hosts are all about prayer and worship. We begin each day with our own personal quiet time with Jesus, which morphs into team prayer time which becomes either a conversation with our hosts or more prayer and worship time with them! 

I feel like this is a month I could really thrive in. So far I’ve communicated through hand motions and limited Albanian to and older gentleman in the park. He had the most beautiful dark fluffy husky who was full of puppy energy. He asked through hand motions if we were Buddhists, Muslim or something else. I answered with the name of Jesus in Albanian: Jezus. While Jilly and I were smiling and laughing trough the communication barrier a young girl came up and asked if we needed help. The older man talked through her for a little bit and then left. But she stayed. We talked to her for twenty minutes about her and life. She is a student and trying to move to Japan. Her family is trying to move to America. She wants to study civil engineering and actually enjoys math. She was chilling in the park studying the Quran. She likes the fact that science proves some of the truths in the Quran. She read this book and others including the Bible out of simple curiosity. We invited her to coffee hours at the church as she wanted to get back to studying and we needed to get back to the church. She hasn’t shown up yet but I’m praying she will. 

I met three girls who attend the High School for Arts on the street next to ours. They were just talking on a wall eating lunch during their break. After connecting through our love of painting and finding out about their bright plans for the future in fashion design, they invited Michelle and I to see their paintings in their classes. They asked their principal if we could come in. Their teachers welcomed us with warm handshakes and brief lectures of the program. 

I don’t think I’ve ever met people who are so sweet and interruptible. So many times in the states when an adult or two approaches a group of 16 year olds STRANGER DANGER screams in their head. Or when you meet someone in a park, you don’t always hang around and talk for 20 minutes. But my best conversations this week have come out of just such situations. 

This is only the end of the first week of ministry and I’m so excited for the next 2 and a half weeks. 

Please pray for health and peace in situations going on back home for my team. For the people of Albania. And our personal focus of prayer this month: FAMILIES! We are practicing Spirit-led prayer this month so we just pray for whatever we feel the Lord is laying on our hearts about Families! 

I also encourage you to pray for opportunities to encounter people in every day life who you can take notice of and connect with. 

Maybe grab some coffee? 

Something we talk about a lot on the World Race but I haven’t wrote a lot about are the parasites. Like lice. 

In the states people freak out about lice. It’s a sign of neglect when a kid gets it. And a sign of dirtiness to be avoided. 

But in the village of Cambodia even the adult women just ignore it. They have lived with it for so long that they have given up trying to eradicate it from their lives. 

It got me thinking: Is there a parasite in my life that I’ve lived with for so long I no longer feel a desire to get rid of it? Have I numbed my nerves to a sin or a hidden habit? 

Of course there is. I’m no where near perfect. But I can choose to be weighted down by shame and condemnation or I can look at it from another angle…

I’ve gotten lice three times on the race now. The first time I got it I was disappointed but since I was one of four on my team that got it, we just laughed and helped each other shampoo our scalps. I now look at it as an opportunity to sit with teammates, get my hair played with and intercede for the ministry that we are called to that month. You see what the enemy uses to be a set back, God turns into a set up. 

It’s relaxing as you just sit at the feet of Jesus and worship Him. The teammate picking out the lice is the one doing all the work. Ironically you can’t deliver yourself. (I originally wrote de-lice but autocorrect said deliver and I like that too.) We work hard to get rid of it. Spending hours painstakingly combing through each infected head to pull out every black nit and snatch every bug. 

It’s not a one-and-done thing. I have to ask someone to check me daily for a few weeks. Because one egg left is a reinfestation if not caught fast. 

It’s such a spiritual truth. 

To eradicate sin or bad habits, it takes not letting one thought slip through the filter of Jesus. 

But unlike lice, God has such grace for us. He’s the rockstar teammate who is always down to sit with us, and pick through our roots to pull out the nit. In Song of Songs after praising the Shulamite’s beauty and love the Bridegroom says “You must catch the troubling foxes, those sly little foxes that hinder our relationship. For they raid our budding vineyard of love to ruin what I’ve planted within you. Will you catch them and remove them for me? We will do it together.” (Song of Songs 2:15 TPT)

What can you invite God into today? What parasite do you feel you are perpetually fighting? How can you shift your focus from feeling defeated to worshiping through through it? 

I encountered God. 

He met me on a floor in the prayer room. It was beautiful. A deep shift occurred. 

I handed Him control. Control of my past, my present, my future. 

That night when I went to take a shower, a thought popped in my head as I held my razor. “Shave your head.” 

“Hell no! What?” Was my first thought. My second was “If I gave God control of my body and my life, isn’t my hair included in that?” 

I asked a timid question I didn’t really want the answer to. “God do you want me to shave my head?”

Silence. 

I showered but left the razor by the sink. 

I slept and woke up the next morning with no thoughts of my hair. 

At breakfast I asked a teammate to braid my hair. Within a minute she stopped, released my hair and looked at me. 

I knew. I had lice. 

She picked out an egg and said “it’s more difficult because your hair is so long.” 

“Well why don’t we cut it?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, let’s cut it short.”

Twenty minutes later after a lice shampoo treatment, we found the only scissors in the Hub – craft scissors. 

Put my hair in a ponytail. 

And chopped it off. 

As the scissors slowly sawed through my hair it was like a weight was lifted. There was a moment of slight panic but it quickly turned to peace.

God had and has our backs because it was already an almost perfect angled long bob. But my wonderful teammates, Meagan and Jillian, ensured that the little strays fell in line. 

“It looks like you.”

“It’s so cute!”

“You cut your hair!”

These were the words I heard from my teammates. 

“You gave me your hair. Not because I asked for it. But because I asked about it. Holding things with open hands. Being willing to let go of what I have given in the first place. Well done My daughter.”

These were the words I heard from God. 

Too emotional. Too sensitive. Too much. 

But not enough. 

These are the lies I believed growing up. I believed these lies because of the words and actions of others. 

So I reshaped myself. I bottled my emotions and refused to show my tears to others. I remained kind. I tried to become enough. I allowed others to tell me who I needed to be and why I needed to perform. I never felt like people wanted the actual true core of me, so I doubted every invitation. 

I poured myself into being a good student, having diverse extracurricular activities, working hard and making money, and so much more. 

I’ve played almost every sport out there trying to find something active that I loved. Tried so many times to lose weight because I was too fat. 

I ran after perfection. But my definition of perfection was constantly being redefined by the world around me. I always seemed to fall short of the standards set before me. I was trying too hard, too nice, or “too” fill in the blank – so I reigned myself in. At the same time I was not enough, not good enough, smart enough, active enough, once again, fill in the blank – so I pushed myself harder. 

I fell into a depression when I was 14. I stopped eating to lose weight. I hated celebrating my birthdays because instead of a day of joy, there were a reminder I was losing time. I could no longer be the youngest to accomplish the things I was good at, so it became impossible to be perfect. 

I had spent so much time covering all my pain that there was no room left in my heart or mind for joy. I grew up in church and believed Jesus was my Savior. All I wanted was to go home to heaven where there is no pain and no tears. I prayed to go home. I comforted myself with the words of Paul that claimed to live is Christ and to die is gain. 

I lived my life by the rules, and I was dying. 

God answered my prayers to be in heaven by bringing people in my life that taught me what heaven looks like on earth. I began what is now a 9 year journey of learning what life with the Holy Spirit is. It’s not focusing on the law, but rather focusing on loving God. Because when I love what He loves, I naturally fall within the lines. When I go after Him, everything truly does fall into place. He created me, He knows what I am meant to do. He knows the true desires of my heart. He’s not going to lead me to something I hate – unless He is teaching me something. 

As I walk with Him, I see the truth in a scripture I used to not understand. From glory to glory. He takes us from a high place to an even higher one. 

I no longer strive for perfection, nor do I wear a mask. I have placed my identity and my idea of perfection in Him and am learning what it looks like to rest. 

We met with so many middle and high schoolers this month. They strive for perfection. They place their identity in what they do, not in who they are. They allow the voices around them to define them as too much or not enough. 

I shared parts of my story with them, praying it gives them hope. 

For while I am still far from perfect, I love my life, I love my family, and I have so many dear friends around the world. I’m living my dream and want to inspire them to go after theirs. 

Practical

Country: Albania 

Dates: March 2-28, 2019 

Team SONshine 

Local currency: Lek 110 to $1 USD

Local language: Albanian 

Common phrases: (phonetically)

Perchenedte – to your health

See A – how are you?

Meer – good

Fallamendarit – thank you

Ma Fale – excuse me

Jezusi ta doe – Jesus loves you 

Ministry: IPA Tirana (church)

Hosts: Pastor Barry, Paige and Stephen

Memorable people: Sarah, Sulo, Kosta, Eske, Elvis, Sarah, Sarah, Adora

Fun memories: My best memories happened in the Klub (the kitchen/ dinning room). We laughed so hard and just gathered around the table for deep conversations, coffee, hot chocolate that was more pudding than liquid, quiet times, grading papers, and a door that almost never closed. Everyday life and relationship happened in that room. It was where I went to be alone and to be interruptible. It’s a happy place in my mind now. 

Emotional

Encouraging feedback: strong gift of administration, servant’s heart, seeing the little details and the little needs, “fighting for” teammates (seeing what is happening and speaking up about it if it’s not fair)

Constructive feedback: Be gentle even when you are having a hard day. Relinquish control and busyness to sit at the feet of Jesus 

Spiritual

Biggest lessons/realizations: God’s definition of love

Ask the Lord (ATL) for a word or phrase to summarize the month: Rooted

ATL for a word to prepare for next month: Hope

What are you leaving behind? Perfection

What are you taking with you? Peace, Joy, Amazing memories

What made you feel alive? Talking to the middle and high schoolers. Being able to speak into their life and share my story but encourage them to create their own! 

What was difficult this month? Learning how to love with God. Why was it difficult? It required me to hold healthy boundaries. I wasn’t meant to fix myself or other people. I am created to forgive, to love even when it’s hard, to choose love even when I feel the opposite. To love in the face of rejection. I learned to love myself just as much as I learned how to love others this month. 

A teammate Michelle and I played Sorry! with two of the girls in youth the other night. 

It was a fun game to bond over. Enough of a task where it held everyone’s attention, but not so demanding that we couldn’t hold a conversation. 

It was a little over halfway through that I noticed something. We had created a culture in the game. 

For those of you who have never played Sorry! it’s a 4 person game where each player gets 4 pieces that correspond to one of the four colors on the board. To be able to move one of these pieces you have to roll a 6 to let it out of the prison it starts in, then the piece has to make it all the way through the board (into other’s territories) and into the safe zone without getting bumped back to the start-jail.

I’ve played this game with competitive people, and it can be quite vicious. They get excited to throw others’ pieces back to start. But from the beginning of the game, we would only bump someone back to start if it was our only option. 

We would mean “sorry” when we said it, instead of saying it sarcastically like you would in the cutthroat version. 

No don’t get me wrong, the cutthroat version can be fun with the right people. But God was showing me in that moment how to be Him even in a competitive game. How to bond with these girls and my teammates through encouragement and laughter. How to show my heart for them even when we are on seemingly opposing sides. 

PS our ministry this month is building relationships and connecting people with the church we are living at! The youth here are amazing and so much fun to hang out with! Sometimes I cant believe this is my life!!!

We went on a road trip today. Bera, our host, took us on a historic highlights tour. 

We went past a metal power tower that had two symbols on a yellow placard. A skull and a red lightening bolt. I couldn’t read the words but I knew what it was saying. Caution Lethal Voltage. 

Then we passed a field of trees. The ground beneath them was well-cared for. To me they were simply trees. But instinctively I knew they had value and a purpose. Simply by the fact that they were planted in rows and someone is obviously still taking care of them. 

We then passed through a valley; steep walls of earth on either side. There were so many trees and shrubbery. It was natural and chaotic. But I thought it was beautiful. 

I was reminded of what my dad once told me. The roots of the plants keep the dirt from falling. They had so much natural value. 

But so many times I feel like we see people like trees. 

The ones who are well-kept and “uniform” communicate value in their appearance – without knowing them our brain normalizes them. 

The ones who are more natural and “chaotic” aren’t always noticed for their value. 

This race has really challenged me to interact with so many various people and to find the gold in each of them. 

God always sees our value, even when I don’t see any in myself. I’ve begun asking Him when we are out on the streets evangelizing, “God who do you have on your heart today? What do you want to say to them?” It’s incredible the things my eyes have been opened to! 

If you are struggling with seeing the gold in someone in your life, or if you just want to have more hope for humanity, I urge you to simply ask God. He will show you! Not only the universal value in others, but also in yourself! 

During our team time we played a relay race that involved potatoes balanced on spoons and forks while the person attempted a series of difficult tasks. 

There was lots of yelling, potatoes falling and cheering. (Yes we videoed it)

Some of the youth came to hang out with us for a game night. 

We formed alliances and enemies over Spicy Uno. Learned who to trust in Mafia. And challenged our memories and ability to focus in 4 on a Couch. 

It’s amazing how you can form bonds and relationships over games. 

There is so much in life that is serious and necessary. Sometimes we get to choose fun. We have to choose to let loose and de-stress. Choose to play a game and laugh. 

Laughter is natural medicine and it produces dopamine, a happy chemical, in your body. 

What have you done lately that brought a smile to your face? 

How have you made life fun? 

How has life with Jesus infused joy into your life? 

If you are struggling to answer those questions, please reach out! I’d love to pray for you! Brainstorm with you! Dream with you! 

Sarah.ann.1687@gmail.com

We are celebrating Easter today in true American style! Waking up to an Easter Basket left by the bunny. Eating a delicious lunch while talking about what the cross means to us. Love, Hope, Victory, Sacrifice, Restoration, and so much more! Laughing at the pettiness level John reached when he mentioned 3 times that he was faster than Peter when running to the grave to verify what the women said they saw. (Seriously look it up: John 20:3-8, verses 4, 6 and 8 specifically)

Then we had ham sandwiches with Jim and Lynn the American missionaries who have adopted us this month and continue to bless us with feelings of home. We worshiped together, played together, and laughed together. 

But every time we wish the people here “Happy Easter!” 

They respond, “It’s not Easter.” 

This is because Orthodox Easter is celebrated the week after Protestant Easter and over 80% of the Serbian population is Christian Orthodox. 

They love Easter here though! In talking to different locals most of them love the same things I love! It’s a time when families come together! They eat, they laugh, they love each other. 

The Easter Bunny visits but it hides presents like shirts and socks instead of eggs. (I have yet to find openable plastic eggs here. And trust me I tried!)

The boiled and colored eggs are involved in a game of war. You try to crack the top of your opponent’s egg with the bottom of yours and vice versa. The one with the egg that is cracked the least gets to take the losing egg. 

Easter also isn’t connected as much with Christianity here as it is with its pagan roots. Easter was actually first a pagan spring celebration for a fertility goddess. Hence the bunnies and eggs theme both ancient symbols of fertility. It fell close to Passover. 

The Hungarian parts of Serbia will celebrate the day with a group of men going around throwing water on a woman to bless her with fertility. 

I’m sure there are many other differences I have yet to discover as Easter is next week! ;D

But for all my friends and family back home: HAPPY EASTER: HE IS RISEN!!! 

There’s not enough. 

This ship is drifting.

I’m not doing enough.

This ship is sinking.

I’m not enough. 

I’ll soon be drowning. 

Buckets. 

I need more people bailing out water.

WHY ARE YOU ONLY FILLING IT HALFWAY?!? 

Can’t you see we’re sinking? 

FASTER! WHY ARE YOU TAKING A BREAK? 

Don’t you care about me? 

WHY WEREN’T YOU BETTER?!? 

You could have prevented this if you were. 

Control. 

I can control where I go with a rudder. 

I can control how much energy I expend with a boat. 

I can control how fast or slow I get there with a sail and an oar. 

Man-made items to get me across an expanse of water, its hidden depths unknown. 

But He calls us out upon the water.

He calls us to step outside of what we know and run to Him. 

The essence under our feet doesn’t matter.

It’s His eyes that ground us. 

I love the story of Peter stepping out of the boat to walk on water with Jesus. I even have a painting of an empty boat hanging up in my room at home that is the first thing I see when I wake up. 

I thought going on the World Race was me stepping out of the boat. And it was in so many ways. 

But I’m discovering that I have built a lot of boats in my mind. They are the un-godly coping mechanisms I built to feel safe and protect myself from drowning. And while there are many that are abandoned and bobbing around the ocean of grace that makes up my testimony, Control is a ship on which I currently live. 

Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit (and one I know I still need to work on). But when ever I try to control anything outside of my own actions and attitude, it’s not Jesus. And therefore it’s a boat I need to step out of.

I’m discovering control is a coping mechanism I use to mitigate fear. Fear of not having enough. Fear of not doing enough. Fear of not being enough. Instead of trusting that God will provide; if I do what He asks me that is all that is required; and that when He created me, He did it perfectly and without flaw.

I’m learning this month to lean on Him. To trust Him to provide. 

It’s a risk to now stay. 

To stay is to disobey. 

“If you step out, I won’t let you sink.”

3 simple ways to evangelize in your own city:

1. Intercede at home, or church (Pray! Acts 12:5-12 Paul was supernaturally released from prison because of prayer!) 
2. Prayer walk: pray on location! God can reveal things to pray for as you walk, people, events, areas, spiritual atmospheres, etc. “Your hand-to-hand combat is not with human beings, but with the highest principalities and authorities operating in rebellion under the heavenly realms. For they are a powerful class of demon-gods and evil spirits that hold this dark world in bondage. Because of this, you must wear all the armor that God provides so you’re protected as you confront the slanderer, for you are destined for all things and will rise victorious. […] Embrace the power of salvation’s full deliverance, like a helmet to protect your thoughts from lies. And take the mighty razor-sharp Spirit-sword of the spoken Word of God. Pray passionately in the Spirit, as you constantly intercede with every form of prayer at all times. Pray the blessings of God upon all his believers. And pray also that God’s revelation would be released through me every time I preach the wonderful mystery of the hope-filled gospel. Yes, pray that I may preach the wonderful news of God’s kingdom with bold freedom at every opportunity. Even though I am chained as a prisoner, I am his ambassador.” Ephesians 6:12-13, 17-20 TPT
3. Let the Holy Spirit use you to interact with people! 

How? 

1. Be interruptible – Not all ministry needs to be intentionally scheduled! Sometimes we can minister at a bus stop, or on our way home from work.  Life is ministry and ministry is life! Luke 19:1-10 (Zaccheaus)
2. Encourage people – sometimes all someone needs is a kind word to remember they are seen! Have an encouraging spirit! “After spending some time there, Paul continued on through the region of Galatia and Phyrgia in central Turkey. And wherever he went he encouraged and strengthened the believers.” Acts 18:23 TPT
3. Meet people! – A fun way to do this is Treasure Hunt! (In pairs) Acts 8:26-38 Phillip and the Ethiopian: God told Philip where to go, then where to walk to be in place to share the gospel with the Ethiopian. Acts 9:10-20 God told Ananias where to go, who to find and what to do to him (pray for his sight). Saul became Paul! 

What in Sam Hill is a Treasure Hunt?!? 

1. Pray and ask God to share with you who is on His heart! (He might share a vision, location, name, physical characteristic, landmark, message to give the person, etc.) 
2. Go out and find them! 
3. Then approach them and ask if you can pray for them! (See script below) If they say no, bless them and move on. If they say yes, pray for them right there! Give them an invite to church if appropriate! 

*Note: you can get creative with this! Put your visions in a sealed envelope to give to them! Or show them what you wrote down and how they match it! 

+ suggested script: “Hey! We are on a Treasure Hunt and we think you are our treasure! Could we pray for you?”

If yes: “Is there anything specific we can pray for you?”

What is a Treasure Hunt? : “We are Christians and we were talking with God today and asked Him who was on His heart, He said someone (insert matching clues here) and we think that’s you!” 

Nuggets of wisdom and encouragement: 

• Go in twos but don’t be afraid: 

“One night, the Lord spoke to Paul in a supernatural vision and said, “Don’t ever be afraid. Speak the words that I give you and don’t be intimidated, because I am with you. No one will be able to hurt you, for there are many in this city whom I call my own.” Acts 18:9-10 TPT

• We are all destined for intimate relationship with God

“Then he said to me, ‘The God of our ancestors has destined you to know his plan and for you to see the Holy One and to hear his voice. For you will be his witness to every race of people and will share with them everything that you’ve seen and heard.”

Acts 22:14-15 TPT (Ananias prophesies to Saul/Paul)

• The purpose is to share and love, not argue! 

“For a true servant of our Lord Jesus will not be argumentative but gentle toward all and skilled in helping others see the truth, having great patience toward the immature. Then with meekness you’ll be able to carefully enlighten those who argue with you so they can see God’s gracious gift of repentance and be brought to the truth. This will cause them to rediscover themselves and escape from the snare of Satan who caught them in his trap so that they would carry out his purposes.”

2 Timothy 2:24-26 TPT

Our ministry this month with Living Hope Church is going into the Ghetto (their word for it not mine) and hanging out with the ones who live there.  

The goal is to show them a new perspective on what life could look like. It doesn’t have to consist of sex at 12, babies with your latest boyfriend, prostitution to make money, or drugs and alcohol to numb the mundaneness of life. How? How do you show that in a few hours a few days a week for shortly less than a month? 

The first day we showed up I immediately took to one of the kids. Through a translator I learned he was four. And we played soccer. 

Most of you who know me (or maybe read one of the blogs I wrote in El Salvador), know I’m not a sporty person. But Jesus meets people where they are. And while I can’t speak a language this kid understands with my voice, I can communicate with him. 

We simply kicked the ball back and forth. Me in a long green dress and black ergonomic flip-flops, him in a blue shirt, black pants and orange striped socks. 

He had a good grandmother. She made sure he was within her sight at all times and we played in an alley that was closed off to cars. 

He liked to challenge himself and kick the ball hard and a few times it went over the fence. The first time I think he could tell I was devastated, because I could see no end to the wall nor entrance to the other side. He simply held up a hand that I took to mean “wait” and he scrambled up and over the wall with an agility that paralleled a monkey. 

It wasn’t his first time doing it, nor would it be his last. The yard on the other side had been allowed to grow wild, it had trash bags and bottles strewn throughout, half hidden by large leaves and long blades of grass. But throughout the overgrowth long dandelions which had grown in peace for a while were full and perfect. 

That, that is what we are doing. It’s not our job to point out or clean up the trash. It’s not our duty to come in with a weed-whacker and manicure the lawn. It’s not our mission to reform the world into uniformity. 

But rather it’s our job to blow on dandelions. To see the seeds those before us planted and from that point encourage more seeds to fly and find more good ground to grow. To rejoice in greenery and love what God has been cultivating all along. To simply expose them yet again to the truth that God love and values them enough to send a team of people to their home just to spend time with them and kick a ball. 

We have heard a lot lately about “Kingdom Dreaming.” It’s a term I never really heard of before going on the World Race. Simply put, it’s a dream God places within your spirit that brings life to your soul, fright to your brain (cause there is no way you can do it alone), and ultimately more of God’s kingdom to the earth. 

I saw evidence of Kingdom dreaming this month with both ministries I partnered with. 

Christi and Cami pastor Living Hope Church in Pitesti, the place where I spent two and a half weeks pouring into the gypsy kids. When Christi was telling us about starting the ministry he said something that has been running around in my brain since. A mother asked how long the program will last, 6 months, 2 years, more? 

His response? 

“We will die here.” 

Raul and Ana pastor Hope Church in Dragonesti. The part of Romania where they live is commonly known through the Romanian Christian community as “the graveyard.” When God first told him to move there he was single and convinced he was going there to die. When the woman who would become his wife approached him, he told her they couldn’t be together as he was going to the graveyard to minister and die. She chose to go with him anyways. 

They now not only pastor a church but their ministry extends into the local community but also regionally and internationally. They lead a discipleship program called Equip to Equip which is a school that teaches Romanians the practicality of evangelizing, church planting and so much more.

They will die there but not anytime soon. 

I don’t know my kingdom dream yet. I don’t know what hill I’m called to die on. But that’s okay. Jesus didn’t start His ministry until He was fully and intimately in constant communion with God. He was 30 years old. I figure I have at least 3 more years ;D. 

But in all seriousness, seeing others take a risk and step out in faith to the leading of the Holy Spirit, has inspired me to want to dream with God. He doesn’t want a slave, He wants a daughter. And daughters dream. 

This month we are in Ethiopia at HOPEthiopia. All I can say is WOW! 

This is a Kingdom dream in real life. We had the pleasure of having Dr. Ralph one of the founders with us for the first four days. He shared his heart with us for these kids. He shared his personal testimony as well as so many faith-stories from his life. 

I encourage you to check out the website (and the app!!) for more information because I don’t think a single blog will do this place justice. 

But in case you want a brief synopsis: Hope stands for Home Of Prayer (or Power of God, or Providence) Ethiopia (or East Africa as they have expanded into Rwanda and have more plans!). And this truly is a home of prayer in Ethiopia. 

We are about 2 and a half hours outside of Addis Ababa (the capital of Ethiopia) and the town consists of about 10,000 people. And HOPEthiopia has programs that benefit not just the orphaned residents but also the town as a whole. 

They are driven by the scripture in James 1:27 “True religion is visiting the orphans and widows in their distress and remain uncorrupted by the world.”  

We have in the first few days done everything from planting scripture in an orchard, to shifting dirt to make bricks, to playing soccer with kids, to physical therapy with a miracle baby who lives in the children’s village (literally a bunch of houses for orphans complete with House mothers), to praying and writing scriptures on the walls of a new house for more kids, to movie night cuddling with the 20 or more kids who live on the compound, to gardening, to meeting spiritual giants and getting to hear more of their heart. It’s astounding and we have so much more. Well water ministry, latrine building, education, reforestation planting,  house visits, and more I’m probably still unaware of. 

God’s voice is so clear here. The beauty of this country is knee-bending. We’ve had the perfect blend of sun and rain as it is their winter here (which really means rainy season). 

What we don’t have here is WiFi. And in order to get it, I’d have a 5 hour round trip during a rest day. So this blog is being posted by leadership during their logistics day. 

 I know I’ll have WiFi the day we leave Ethiopia (if I don’t catch something before then). But know that I’m so good! I’m safe, warm, surrounded by comfort and the presence of God. I’ll have a blog per week posted to share the amazing events I can’t believe I’m currently living. 

Pray we pour everything out this month and love with abandon the way God loves us! 

Also, because I won’t have WiFi to call you: to my wonderful, amazing, dear, and precious friend Krysten, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope this year brings you more joy and freedom to walk in your dreams than any other year before! 

Also birthday shoutout to both her awesome sisters Brittny and Katelyn!! 

Second also, the only thing better than Ethiopian coffee is Ethiopian food!!!! SO GOOD! 

Through the Eyes of the Lion: Levi Lusko 

I have never cried so much through a book, but been so speechless in its impact. It speaks to the parts of my heart that are grieving: grieving the people I love who have gone Home to Jesus, grieving the dreams I feel I’ve lost, grieving time I will never get back and didn’t take advantage of while it was here. For any parent who has lost a child, I pray you find this book. For everyone one else, I hope you choose to read it. 

“You must not rely on the naked eye. What you think you see is not all that is there. There are unseen things. Spiritual things. Eternal things. You must learn to see life through the eyes of a lion. Doing so is to utilize the telescope of faith, which will not only allow you to perceive the invisible — it will give you the strength to do the impossible.”

2. Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge 

Wow! If you want to have your view of the heart of a woman and the heart of a man revealed in truth and turned upside down: this book! Some highlights include: 

“What does a woman tell me about God? God is relational to His core, He has a heart for romance. He longs to share adventures with us – adventures we cannot accomplish without Him. God has a beauty to unveil.”

“Shame makes us feel, no, believe, that we do not measure up. We know we are not all that we long to be, all that God longs for us to be, but instead of coming up for grace-filled air and asking God what He thinks of us, shame keeps us pinned down and gasping, believing that we deserve to suffocate. Shame says we are unworthy, broken, and beyond repair.” 

His love says we are worthy, healed, and that NOTHING is beyond Him. 

3. The Sacred Journey by Brian and Candice Simmons 

The translator of the Passion Translation of the Bible (Genesis is coming out soon!!! Get excited!) shares his revelations while translating the most scandalous book of the Bible, Song of Songs. He takes it verse by verse and expounds upon the most beautiful aspects of the heart of God and the status of man. However I do recommend reading Song of Songs in the passion translation first, then reading this book. (If you don’t want to buy a copy you can access it for free on the YouVersion App!)

“Walls that keep us from intimacy must come down. We can no longer hide behind a wall of our ugly and demeaning feelings about ourselves. Jesus sees in us a suitable companion that will flood His heart with joy for all eternity.” 

“We often look for mental answers, desiring to figure it all out, but God simply wants to touch our hearts with His fiery love. If we do figure it out, then we will always relate to God by our minds, not our hearts. Our King wants us to know Him in our heart, with the fullness of our passion. Love created us out of love, to share love with us.”

4. The Gift of Being Yourself by David G Benner 

The second in a series of three (Surrender to Love and Desiring God’s Will are the other two that I recently purchased so I shall be reading those too!) This book is phenomenal. It is little but so very practical. It speaks into the core of who you are and provides practical ways to discover your self-in-Christ which is the true you! It expounded upon the fact that you cannot know God apart from knowing yourself. Nor can you know yourself apart from knowing God. The two are inseparable. 

5. The Art Of Listening Prayer by Seth Barnes 

It’s not just because he is the founder and kingdom dreamer of Adventures in Missions and the World Race that I recommend this book. For those who have been desperate for the “more” of God, this teaches you step by step the beauty of the two way conversation prayer has become for me. God still speaks! Through so much and in such love. “God is far more interested in spending time with you than he is in your diligence in working through a particular assignment. God wants you to seek him with all your heart; he wants your heart more than anything else.” Twenty-six days is all you need to begin hearing God’s voice for yourself.

I asked God when He was going to stop telling me how much He loves me. He replied “When you stop needing to hear it.” I’ve resigned myself to hearing about His love for me for the rest of eternity. 

The Uninvited 

Luke 7:36-50  Extravagant Worship 

A woman came to a dinner she was not invited to. She performed all the customs a host should have, but to a degree never before seen. Washing feet with tears and hair. Anointing his head and feet with perfume worth a year’s wage. Kissing not his cheek but his feet over and over. 

She bowed at his feet. Her heart physically rose above her head to symbolize something much deeper. The depth and intensity of her love conquered the thoughts in her head of social graces. And there were many she was breaking, the least of which was entering a house she was not invited into due to her occupation. A prostitute. 

How many tears does one have to cry to be able to wash dirt off of sandaled feet that have walked miles in the dust and mud? 

How dirty does hair get when wiping tear-made mud from now salty feet?

How lowly you must think yourself to place your lips on the lowest part of the one you love. 

She did. 

As I was reading this story I asked myself, do I worship God like this? 

Do I express the depth of my emotions with such open vulnerability like she does? 

Do I exchange what I am most proud of for what He calls me to be? 

Do I cherish His children even when society tells me they have no value?

Am I bold enough to go against all that I have been taught to sit and extravagantly worship at the feet of Jesus? 

Not yet. But I will be. 

“She has been forgiven of all her many sins. This is why she has shown me such extravagant love. But those who assume they have very little to be forgiven will love me very little.””

Luke 7:47 TPT

Most of my days have been spent teaching or playing with toddlers in the PlaySchool. We developed a series called “Be Kind” and we teach many ways you can be kind: to your body (hygiene), to your friends (anti-bullying), to your family (parents and siblings), to the earth (need I explain?), to people who are different (skin colors, social class, disabilities – there is actually a boy with Down’s Syndrome in the class and he has quickly become one of my favorites. He simply wants to hold my hand during class.), and a few others. 

The one I am teaching is Be kind to Yourself. Which is something I’m honestly still learning myself. 

My vocabulary words are Beautiful, Important, Smart, and Thought. 

We are teaching kindergarten here at the local private school that some of our kids attend. But we also teach these same lessons to the kids on the compound who live in the children’s village as half of them go to school in the morning and the other half in the afternoon — the local elementary school is too small to accommodate all the kids at one time so they split them up.

I chose these words because I want these to be the words that come to mind when they think of themselves. 

That they are beautiful – not simply in looks though that is the case for the majority of them – but beautiful in their soul. 

Important like water, food and shelter because they are their country’s future and the choices they make will affect all those who come after them. 

Smart because there is no one way to be smart. Some may be “book smart,” but others know animals, still others know farming, mechanics, plumbing, people, the list is endless and simply knowing one of these makes them smart. I want them to know that even if English is hard for them, they are still smart. 

And lastly Thought. Sometimes the thoughts we have in our head are more dangerous than anything we say or do. They can lead us to the brightest of futures or the darkest. What you believe about yourself is really the only thing that matters. If you believe you can do great things, you will. If you believe the lies others tell you, you’ll become what they’ve told you to be. 

I encourage each one of you reading this blog to believe and think the best of yourself. If you are 7 or 70, you can still do great things. 

You are Smart. You are Kind. You are Beautiful and You are Important!

When we walk the kids to school, our kindergarteners clutch our hands the whole 40 minute walk. Their little metal lunch pails weigh heavy in the other hand, their little plastic slippers step in the muddiest parts of the road barely missing the cow patties or donkey waster, but they won’t let go. 

For that walk, my hands are not my own. They are theirs. 

For that walk, I will step extra careful because the rain makes the mud slick and I don’t want to fall and take the kids down with me. 

For that walk I will stretch my arms like Mr. Fantastic and step in the puddle so they don’t have to let go. 

For that walk I will stop for a stone in a shoe. And I will respond to the calls to go faster. 

For that walk I will forgo a drink of water knowing I can make it to the destination. 

Because my hands are theirs. 

When that walk ends, I enter a gate where there are over 40 kindergarteners. All of them simply want to hold my hand. And they will do anything to do it. They will yank someone else’s hand out. They will bite. They will kick. They will hit with the hand that is not in mine. 

It’s not about the violence, that’s simply life to them. It’s about how much they value simply holding my hand. 

I’m still left mystified most days with how much they crave the simple touch. How my hand at its lowest point is sometimes their eye level. How they will hold your hand for hours and just move when you move. 

My knees almost buckle when a hand-holding session ends with little lips kissing the back of my hand. 

The walk back from the school, it’s just us. Just the teachers as the two local teachers continue teaching the kids after lunch. 

Once again little kids come out of the wood-work of the village and little hands slip into mine. These are the shortest hand-holding sessions. But they are beautiful nonetheless. 

The kids seem to know how far they can go before heading back. 

It astounds me how much they will go out of their way, just for a few more seconds of holding my hand. 

Reflecting on it, I’ve decided that’s how I wish to live my life. I want to simply hold Jesus’s hand. 

I’ll cling to it as I hold my lunch pail.

I’ll step in mud and cow patties if it means I can keep my grip of His hand. 

I’ll fight (not others but the enemy) when he tries to yank my hand out of His. 

I’ll kiss His hand not because I’m letting go, but just because I can. 

I’ll go out of my own way for just a few more seconds with Him. 

I will fearlessly let Him lead me on more adventures, because I trust He knows where to go. 

And like I did, I know He will do everything He can to make my way easier. 

That He will feel loved in the moments we are doing nothing but watching the others play on the play ground. Neither of us will ever feel like we are missing out because we know that holding hands is everything we want. 

He will smile down and swing my hand as we continue down this muddy, rocky, poop-laden, seemingly long but altogether too short road we call life on earth. 

For the month of Ethiopia, as an all-squad month (and our third all-squad month of the race — we are so blessed), we only had three teams. We were split on the basis of what ministry we felt God calling us to: Kingdom Kickers was the sports and team, T(h)ree (pronounced tree) did reforestation and brick making, and my team Rafiki taught the kids on the compound and at the local private kindergarten that six of our kids attended. 

The actual ministries all got blended so I got to make some bricks and play with kids too. 

But even though we were only a team for a month, it was amazing! And one of our team times we have out “most likely to… awards”

Introducing (a little late) Team Rafiki!!! 

Kyndal, our fearless Squad Leader who acted as Team Leader for the month. She leads from behind, always encouraging us to step up. Her “most likely award” was most likely to scare someone. She lives hiding in the dark to get a shout from an unsuspecting squad mate. But it always ends in laughs. 

Mallory, our resident enneagram expert and unique 4 (you can look it up on the enneagram). She is the source of so much wisdom and a true introvert. She is most likely to play a Disney Princess (either Ana or Meredith — if she can get the accent down). 

Hannah you might recognize from my last team! She is so great in a classroom and has become so fearless in being herself. She is most likely to monogram her baby’s diapers. 

Jillian you also might recognize from any of my other teams on the World Race! She has grown with me over the last nine months and wow! She is squad leading this coming September! She will only be home two weeks! She’s incredible. She (because of her love of tiny things) is voted most likely to have her toys mistaken for her daughter’s (whenever she decides to have kids). 

Jasmine, such a woman! We’ve never been on a team before but we’ve connected nonetheles. She is willing and wanting to sit for hours to hear someone’s story. She gets so excited to get to know the person. It’s amazing. She got two awards: most likely to win so you think you can dance with no formal training and most likely to become the mom in Mean Girls (videoing the dance while dancing). 

Ashley B is a spiritual conduit for the words on God’s heart. You can always come to her if you need listening prayer. She has allowed God to transform her heart in the best ways. She is now most likely to steal a kid from an orphanage (particularly one boy from this orphanage- Fedassa). 

Praise is one of the most beautiful souls you will ever meet. Though she will not say that about herself. She is the queen of introverts, but she has such a heart for seeing those who feel unseen. She seeks people out who the Holy Spirit highlights and let me tell you she is connected on a deep level with Him. She also wins two: most likely to be in her bed and most likely to own a goat farm (because she loves baby goats), 

 And yours truly, Sarah Ann, is most likely to start a hug therapy and/or stand on a corner with a Free Hugs sign. 

This is my hello and goodbye to Team Rafiki! I’ll know my new team in just a few days! 

The internet defines a titan 2 different ways: 1) Greek mythology entities that existed before the gods of mount Olympus. Children of the Earth and Sky they are the forces of nature 2) an extremely important person, powerful and influential in a certain field, someone who is god-like. 

We, as a team, have a new definition: To Intentionally Teach All Nations. What are we going to teach them you may ask? 

We will teach them about an extremely important Person, who existed before time began. We will teach them by living example what true love is. 

Our team verse is from Titus (so close to Titan right?) 

“Encourage the believers to be passionately devoted to beautiful works of righteousness by meeting the urgent needs of others and not be unfruitful.” Titus 3:14 TPT

Samuel– Team Leader

• Likes: encouraging/praying for others, exploring stores, watching movies, sushi and Korean bbq, longboard skateboard, writing songs and poetry, and music
• Love language: Touch and gifts are top two
• Snacks: chips (all kinds), cornuts, Japanese style peanuts, dried apricots
• Animal he would be: tarsier (don’t ask me why….) 

Jasmine– Our Worship Facilitator

• Likes: adventure and learning about new cultures, music (live), children (gives her energy), Ukulele, looking at bugs, trees, and writing poems
• Love language: quality time and words of affirmation are top two
• Snacks: dark chocolate 70-80%
• Animal she would be: a bird so she could fly anywhere she wants! 

Isaac – 

• Likes: Children, adventures, singing, serving others, and manual labor
• Love language: likes all of them
• Snacks: skittles, starbursts, sour gummy, chips, cookies
• Animal he would be: a great white shark because they are on the top of the food chain and live in water! 

Bonnie– 

• Likes: adventure, sports (golf is favored), cards, history/museums (not art), Marvel movies/movies, photography, and listening to music
• Love language:Words and quality time are top two. 
• Snacks: Ritz crackers/peanut butter, chips/cheese flavored, Twix, kit kat, no sour or spicy! 
• Animal she would be:Wolverine because they are rare and wonderful

Meagan– 

• Likes: reading/writing, music, loves movies/filming, history, adventures, anime, and video games
• Love language: words and quality time are top two
• Snacks: popcorn/cheese flavored, chocolate (has to be mixed with something), anything sour 
• Animal she would be: a unicorn because they are unique and beautiful 

Sarah Ann– yours truly 

• Likes: reading/writing, bodies of water, Marvel and DC movies, parks, Jesus dates, and cultural food  
• Love language:likes all of them, best one is physical touch
• Snacks: spicy potato chips, sour gummies, dark chocolate 70-80% 
• Animal she would be: Otter because they transition easily and hold hands when they sleep

PS we WILL take a team photo soon…. to be posted later! 

I think there are people and cultures that God creates us to be a part of. Our love languages are the ones spoken across the nation. Our giftings fit the needs. There is simply something in our soul that knows we are home. 

That is what I have found here in Rwanda. 

A country that suffered 100 days of horror 25 years ago. A country that is actually grateful for that event because it changed them for the better. A country that has relied on forgiveness, true forgiveness, and God to heal. A country that even though violence and tragedy still occurs -as evidenced by the 22 beautiful life stories I was honored to hear, and the 2 that were too hard to narrate – they pursue peace, “Amahoro.”

We arrived at our ministry in Rwanda on a holiday. (Our second day as Team Titan) 

The next day we met the Dream Team: 5 individuals dedicated to the cause of HOPE Rwanda. We shared stories and discovered what our ministry for the month would be. Hope Rwanda has a tailoring school for vulnerable women where they gather from 8am-3pm to learn how to sew with a machine to help them make a living after they graduate. 

The day after that we visited the genocide memorial. It was a heavy day, learning in more detail the events that led up to the death of a million Rwandans. 

And the following day was liberation day. The day that 25 years ago the 100 days of horror ended. We celebrated with the people. We walked the streets that at one time were filled with bodies, to a stadium that became a prison and killing field during the genocide. 

Emmanuel was with us. Not only is he a member of the dream team, but he is also a survivor of the genocide. I hope to post another blog that is his story, as he shared with us that day and other days during our time in Rwanda. 

It was incredible. A stadium filled with thousands of people who suffered at the hands of each other, some still bearing physical scars from machetes, others wearing their scars on the inside, but all of them dancing and singing “Intsinzi,” the victory of their country. 

This was my introduction to month 10. A month that would quickly become my favorite. A month I would find another home here on earth.

Our ministry consisted of listening, praying, teaching and loving. 

Each morning we would worship God with the women, through song, dance and the Word. Then we would bring the women in, one at a time and listen to their story, however much they felt comfortable sharing. These hours were filled with laughter, hugs, tears, forgiveness, prayer and connection. 

We would break for lunch and then teach English for an hour. Their school was out and we would play! Some days we would walk with the women. Others we would play cards (our favorite game was spoons). We had dance parties, movie nights, spa days, photo sessions, etc. 

The one thing I could always count on is that there would be laughter, physical touch and language barriers. But it was amazing. 

Our last week, we had an all-morning event. We spoke on worth and forgiveness. We prayed, drew, sang, and washed feet. We ended with gifting each of the women a Bible. I’ve never witnessed such joy and thankfulness. 

I’m leaving this country honored beyond belief. I have 23 new sisters, near and dear to my heart, and 5 new brothers who are true men of God. 

My goodbyes became see-you-laters because one thing I know for sure: I will be back. 

Uganda has been wonderful! We are in Arua (which if you look on the map is in the north west corner of the country). We are about 10 minutes from the DRC border and 30 minutes from the South Sudan. 

Our host is an amazing man of God. In everything he gives God the glory. He does a little bit of everything and so by default we do as well. 

We’ve played with preschoolers at their schools. We’ve worshipped with and taught middle and high school kids about being in relationship with God. We’ve prayed for and over people of all walks of life. And have warred in the spirit through worship.

We’ve learned how spiritual the people of Uganda are. God has been teaching me so much about intercession and how to pray from a place of victory. We’ve learned kids are EVERYWHERE here and they are ALWAYS up for learning new songs and games. English is the business language of Uganda, everyone here speaks enough for us to communicate. 

Silence is not a thing here. Walls are thin. There is always the sound of a motorcycle, or child laughing, or radio playing or pots and pans clanging or baby crying. 

This doesn’t make it harder to hear God’s voice though. It’s amazing here. 

It’s down to the last week of ministry now. We are meeting with preschoolers, Primary school kids, and teachers, we will be painting a school and then traveling to the refugee settlement for a Sunday service for our very last day of ministry. 

Pray for us for energy to truly pour everything out this last week. For us to touch those we will be seeing for the last time. For health for our team and for safe travels. 

In the Kitchen

There are pots and pans

Stove tops or charcoal eyes

Knives and spoons

And here in Uganda

Lillian

She smiles and laughs

She dances with arms high 

As water heats

“Will you miss me?”

“Ah, my Sarah loves me so much.”

“God loves me so much.” 

“You bring me to America.”

“I come cook for you and your husband.”

Her right-hand nails are jagged 

Freshly painted she calls them beautiful

Her flip flops have a triangle cut 

Made by someone’s knife

Kneading flour, salt, baking soda, 

Green pepper, red onion and carrot,

Oil and water she makes dough

“Muzungos love my chapati.”

“Can I help?”

“No, you rest. 

Rest so you can preach, 

Pray for me. 

You pray for me, yeah?”

“Yes!”

Laughing again

As we sing and dance.

“Teach me songs and I will think of you.”

“Oh, you love me so much.”

Here between ministry 

The place I truly love to be

Between two buildings 

On a bench 

Before two charcoal eyes

Underneath the ever changing skies 

Rolling and frying chapati 

With Lillian 

My Mama Uganda

We visited an orphanage our last day of ministry on the race. We had church with the kids then just hung out with them as they ate lunch. Before I left the church building I had a little one in my arms. 

I interacted with other kids as I held her, switching arms when the weight began to get too much. She simply laid her head on my shoulder. 

I danced with the others. I laughed. We talked about our favorite stories in the Bible. The girls talked about Joseph, Moses and Daniel. And still she rested. 

Another girl came to try to take her away and she refused to let go. Not even at the offer of food. 

Her little arms tucked themselves in close between us as her forehead rested on my shoulder. 

Soon many mouths were too full of a vitamin-enriched rice mixture for much interaction. So I sat. She moved closer. 

For almost the whole time I was there she remained curled into me. 

I never saw her smile. She didn’t utter a word. But I knew she didn’t want to leave. She simply wanted to rest. 

A deep part of my heart was reached as I allowed myself to just be still with her. 

I couldn’t help but begin singing over her. Many songs but the one I kept coming back to was: 

This is what it means to be held

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive

This is what it is to be loved

And to know that the promise was

When everything fell we’d be held

Here this little girl, maybe 4 years old lost her family in the South Sudan. Was placed in an orphanage that all too soon become dangerous itself and had to move to Uganda to protect its wards. This orphanage has been in the Refugee settlement for the last 3 years. 

But in those moments, I knew she felt the love of the Spirit. The comfort and the peace that changes the atmosphere where He is. 

God also gave me a glimpse into His heart for her. And in turn His heart for every single one of His children, including myself. 

I love her. 

Beyond words. 

The way she touched my heart, I was undone. 

She didn’t say a word to me. 

She didn’t ask for anything.

She didn’t give me anything. 

But she wanted to be with me. 

That’s it. 

That’s all.

That’s what He wants. 

To simply spend time holding us. In whatever mood we are in. Wether we want to laugh with Him. Or just cry in His arms. Or to simply tuck our heads into His neck, close our eyes and rest. 

This is what it means to held. 

PS the song is Held by Natalie Grant 

As we drove the two hours to the Rhino Refugee Settlement, I looked out the window at this beautiful country. So lush, so green. 

We passed women with babies strapped to their backs bent over at the waist to sweep with weed-reed brooms. Boys and girls in school uniforms walking or running on the street. Men chopping the hard ground in the field with a flat headed hoe. 

The sky looked like it is lit up from below. A spotlight focused on the base of the painted clouds. 

I know God is in a good mood today. He’s in a good mood everyday, but today I know it not just in my head, but in my heart and my spirit. 

As we passed the landscape of varying shade of green I notice patches of pink. In between overturned fields, prepped for planting, ripe fields of corn, tall trees, short trees, overgrown grass and more revelation drops into my spirit. 

This landscape is life. We move through seasons. 

Seasons we feel broken and exposed but we are just being worked into good ground. 

Seasons we feel full, where we know we can be generous because what was planted has come to fruition. 

Seasons we feel seen and powerful. 

Seasons we feel strong, useful but humble. 

Seasons we feel like we are spinning and out of control like there is no time to tend to our heart. 

But these patches of pink in a sea of changing green is still another season. I’m sure these tall reeds are weeds. And if we did what religion tells us, we try and stomp them out or rip them up as quick as we can. They weren’t planted on purpose. They are just taking up valuable space and precious minerals in the dirt. 

But if you follow the root up, the top is a feathery baby pink. 

Healing. 

Sometimes what starts as a weed — or  what we think is a weed — is something God planted on purpose to bring us to a greater healing. A healing that takes us higher into His glory. A healing that becomes a focal point of glory. 

As an artist when you want to highlight something you make it pop by using a contrasting color from the background. And that’s what I see here. The color on the opposite side of the color wheel from green is red. Pink is simply red brightened by white. 

Jesus’s blood mixed with His righteousness. By His stripes we are healed. We are clothed in His righteousness. 

Where are you struggling today? 

What healing does God want to bring to that hurt? 

I encourage you to let your heart sit with God today. 

So the Race ended. 

But life didn’t. 

I’ve spent the last few months on a “hello and goodbye again” tour through the states.

Why?

Because I’m leaving again!!! 

“WHAT? But you just got back…..”

Don’t worry I still have a few months. But come March 2020 I will be in Mijas, Spain at a leadership academy called Generation 42. 

In honor of this I have created a new blog for this new season, owned and operated by yours truly. Please click over and subscribe to https://sarahannsscript.home.blog/

Read Generation Y or 42? for a little more context on G42. 

To find out more about G42 stay tuned on my new blog or visit the website: https://www.generation42.org/the-school

To support me going to G42 with a tax deductible donation click on the following link and scroll down to the March 2020 Intern class to click on my name  https://www.generation42.org/donations

Or donate via venmo @sarah-ann-1687 or paypal sarah.ann.1687@gmail.com for travel health insurance, flights and other personal expenses.